What's your opinion on doom and gloom? I don't like them: not doom nor gloom. Gary, however, is a big fan. It's part of his planning process. Last week:
"Hon, it looks like we may not be able to go to Las Vegas."
"No ... perhaps it looks like you may not be able to go to Las Vegas, but I'm pretty sure I'm going."
"No, if you're still sick in two weeks, then we can't go to Las Vegas." I won't detail the whole discussion, but I eventually talked him down. Yes, I'm sick, I still pee (a lot) and puke (a little) every time I cough, but there are adaptations that can be made. And we again had this conversation: he likes to be emotionally prepared for disaster, and I don't like to have problems until I actually have problems.
This has become an issue today. Today we took Mac the dog to the vet. A week ago the dog had a big horking burbly cough beyond anything I've ever heard, and he had a fever, and when he had a rare appetite he barfed it all up. I was sick myself, I stayed in with him, he got better. Vet was out of town anyway. He's still binging, purging, and binging on the purge though.
However, then yesterday we noticed he had three huge round warts on the top of his foot. Gary immediately said, "Cancer!"
So we took him to the vet today, and Gary asked, "Cancer?"
"Certainly could be cancer, since it's growing so fast."
"Or warts," I said, "Just one of those lumpy growths dogs get."
"Might be. OR IT COULD BE CANCER. That's why we need to do a biopsy."
I don't want to be emotionally prepared for dog cancer. I prefer my denial to start immediately after diagnosis, not before. Anyway, the dog who just got over the dog flu is going under for a biopsy Wednesday. But what is it with vets and well, doctors, throwing the word "cancer" around? Aren't they supposed to call it a growth? The vet went right for "tumor," no "possibly benign." Aren't they supposed to keep hope alive? How about a little "let's wait and see what the results show." I say, don't call it cancer until it's definitely cancer.
What are your views on being prepared for bad news? I know my opinion, and as always I'd like that reinforced, but I need to hear Gary's point of view expressed rationally.
(P.S. Any resemblance to possibly cancerous labia living or dead is purely coincidental.)
Um, there is no such thing as being prepared for bad news. Even when you try to think of the worst, it'll still knock you down.
But don't invest in worry until you have to. There's always plenty of time for worry. I know.
Posted by: #0.75 | September 23, 2009 at 08:32 AM
A lab I had some years ago go a growth on her foot. The vet initially thought it was cancer, it turned out to be a growth, it was removed and the dog was fine. Other than being nuts anyway, but she was nuts before the growth.
I believe in positive energy/prayer and believe it helps.
Posted by: Zayrina | September 23, 2009 at 08:40 AM
yeah, I'm a worst case scenario person. Not a pessimist really, I like to call myself a realist, but the bottom line is I want to be prepared for the worst, know what it may entail, then I can accept that possibility, then be relieved when it becomes something not quite as bad. I know, its weird. And it means that I require doctors/vets who will be honest and upfront and not coddle me. Don't like coddled.
Posted by: jenny | September 23, 2009 at 09:19 AM
I too had a dog with a growth on her foot. Benign. She lived many long happy years after its removal.
I am so anal about details I tend to overinform myself on every subject. It's a form of control but it gives me a sense of peace.
Good luck, you are in my thoughts.
Posted by: SurprisingWoman | September 23, 2009 at 01:44 PM
I've had a couple of dogs who developed cancer, and it never seemed to slow them down or shorten their life span. I have, however, stopped adopting dogs - I think we were getting a reputation among the dog community.
Posted by: Candy | September 23, 2009 at 02:04 PM
Hubs and I are the same way. He's a glass half empty person, and he immediately goes for worst case. I'm half full and I want to smack him when he's already decided how things are going to play out. Wait and see is what I always want to do.
Posted by: floatingprincess | September 23, 2009 at 04:06 PM
I've got to side with you on this one, Queen. I'm a hope-r. I'm also supersitious...it's like, if you put it out there that the dog has cancer, those warts are gonna come back as cancer. So don't even SAY the possibility out loud. You know?
Posted by: Erin G. | September 23, 2009 at 05:01 PM
I did not mean to imply that Dr.Sexy and I are the same..... we are sooooo not.
I make food based on smell, appearance, and if it seems right.
Dr. Sexy times how long the steaks will take on the grill.
???????????????
How many minutes until dinner? When it's ready. Dammit.
He wants details and expects them to be exact.
I am good with an 'ish and "about"
3'ish o'clock
It should be about an hour...
We are sooooo different.
Posted by: SurprisingWoman | September 23, 2009 at 08:30 PM
I'm a fluctuating fatalist. Sometimes I go for the worst, sometimes I don't.
Scotch (or Scout, if you prefer) has had fatty growths on his abdomen for 8 years. Ugly. Possibly getting uncomfortable as they've grown together to be a big lump. Not cancer. Not slowing him down.
Posted by: Caroline | September 23, 2009 at 09:33 PM
.75 - Well that is certainly true in my life.
Zayrina - That's a good point - perhaps I could tell Gary to turn his energy toward praying for the dog if he really thought the dog had cancer.
Jenny - I too like "give it to me straight doc," but I like it after the doc knows there's a definite problem.
SurpringWoman - That is good to hear. Also, I have to ask - are you the same SurprisingWoman who wrote the creatively punctuated comment below? Because you sound like two different people.
Candy -Like ... Candy's House of Canine Cancer?
FloatingPrincess - Yep! Same here. Sometimes, try to get the jump on him and go right for dibs on the worst case. "Dog has CANCER SOB" and then he'll have to say, "No hon, we dont know that yet." It only works on Gary for a few minutes.
ErinG - You know, a friend got cancer and I stuttered over the word when I had to say it to her. The word did scare me. Of course, then I had to make a POINT of saying it.
SurpringWoman - Yes, I would be very bad with someone who wants exact numbers.
Caroline - Perhaps I could tell people I have unsightly fatty growths on my abdomen that have grown into a giant lump over the last ... fifteen years. But it isn't cancer.
All - update: the dog is fine, resting, and bandaged. Eating a little. I suppose we find out the biopsy report in a week.
Also: it looks like an even split on hopers / pre-emptive copers.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 23, 2009 at 11:38 PM
Allow me to have the casting vote: I did write out a comment but it wouldn't post (damn your vagaries, iPhone!)
Positive, all the way. Why suck the colour out of life by imagining bad stuff that may not happen? Worry when there's something definite to worry about! IF there's something to worry about. Which there may not turn out to be.
This is not a philosophy I've ever been able to persuade the OH to adopt, alas. We have many positive v negative arguments.
Posted by: Big Dot | September 25, 2009 at 03:36 AM
My grandpa had a saying for people like Gary: "He's always saying 'Shit!' on the backswing"
It's a golf analogy, and it means he's saying "Shit!" for a bad shot before he's even hit the ball. I personally think you color the outcome (unfavorably) when you do that, but Gary is probably protecting himself psychologically by trying to get the bad stuff out there so it won't sneak up on him. Makes sense, but I think it's something he might feel better without. I prefer your approach - I love how you put it: "I don't like to have problems until I actually have problems." Well said, sister.
Posted by: Corinne | September 25, 2009 at 06:17 PM
Big Dot - And postive wins! By two points!
Corinne - Oh, I think "saying 'shit' on the backswing" is just the perfect term!
Posted by: TheQueen | September 27, 2009 at 12:26 AM