Don' Wanna Hoard No More, Lord Lord.

I treated myself to a three-hour superiority feast this evening. A&Es Hoarders, followed by an hour of Hoarders. Topped off by a little treat. Hoarders.

I am not a hoarder. I just cleaned out the refrigerator at Mom's, for example. I know, she's been dead for a year and a half now. Shut up!  A hoarder would never have cleaned out that fridge. Because I saw one on A&E. Her name was Jill. Great sense of humor.

She fell into the Delusional Hoarder category. There were two types of Hoarders, Delusional Hoarders and Entitled Hoarders. How could you tell the difference? You wanted to slap the flies off of the Entitled Hoarders.

The Entitleds were the ones who had been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, panic attacks. They had their pills, though, and they took them virtuously. Each Entitled suffered mightily through the agreed-to purges. As OTHER PEOPLE CLEANED THEIR ROTTING HOUSES they went on and on about their reactions. "My stress level is at a nine." "I'm feeling anxious. You need to stop before I hyperventilate." "Hold me, I'm having a panic attack." "I took my pills, but I'm still stressed out!"

And the awful thing is, I know I'm not a hoarder, but if I were I fear I would be an Entitled Hoarder, not an amusing Delusional Hoarder. 

So, where is the line drawn between being a responsible mildly medicated person and an Entitled Ass-clown?  Perhaps it's just shutting up. Perhaps I'll be safe if I shut up about "stress." If I never make people change their behavior because they're freaking me out.  Damn - now I remember the last time I was stressed at work I blamed someone else for it. "Stop freaking out, Karla!  Now I'm stressed." At least I didn't whine. I think I bellowed.

Okay, so that's a plan.  I never mention my "stress levels" and instead I say things like, "I feel if I throw away all of Gary's old feather pillows the sky will rain dead birds down on us."

P.S. - edited to add: I know, they are not to blame. They are mentally ill. It's just I hope that I might tolerate all my potential illnesses with grace. Not dignity, that's shot to hell.

Comments

[gaoo]

Oh shit: from your description I am totally an Entitled Hoarder. Pills and all.

But I thought you were the one who was itching (haha) to throw away thirty year old pillows! Especially since they're not yours. That seems perfectly logical to me.

Uh-oh.

[Kelly Light]

I can't watch this show my 84 yr old grandmother and 49 yr old aunt who live together are hoarders. It is so disturbing. They have a lot of cats too. They would be the entitled kind but no meds- so completely in another reality. The have both almost died several times from staph infections- from their house. My mother and I hired the kind of cleaners who clean up after murders - to clean their home last Xmas- while they were in the hospital. Found 3 dead rotting cats and the cat poo had to be taken out w/ snow shovels. They will not speak to her or me anymore.

Fun huh??? -So I avoid the show- hits a little close to home. My Mom is like Martha Stewart on crack- overcompensating. So nice to tell someone-Ellen. I can always come here and laugh at all the crazies with you. Cause we are perfectly adjusted right? As I organize my colored pencils into a perfect rainbow.

[Caroline]

I think the numbered friends all have to agree to keep each other delusional instead of entitled. Pink swear, ladies?

[3]

I will never refer to my place as an armpit again. You can perform surgery in my house by comparison.

What was most disturbing was the elderly lady with the cat hoarding problem. Horrible.

[TheQueen]

Gaoo - No. You and I are not like these people. (Watch the show.) But, it's something to keep in mind. Oh, and I found out down pillows are like $100 each. We need six.
Kelly - I am so sorry. The most awful thing in the series is when the hoarders have to choose family or suff and they almost always choose stuff. Well, one couple decided to clean up their yard so they wouldnt lose their children. But they waited a long time. And besides, what other way would you sort your pencils? Or your M&Ms?
Caroline - Okay. I think #2 is going to smack me if I mention seratonin again.
3 - Well, at least she wasn't clutching a dead cat saying, "This dead cat has VALUE."

[Mrs. Hall]

ug. husband, recovering packrat . . mother in law . . crazy but semicontrolled hoarder...has cats...she lives alone in four bedroom house and has 3 storage sheds...

me...just lazy.

so. at least my husband knows he has a problem. I am gently leading through the way out. he follows me. I have more power in this situation. Have to lead delicately, softly with gentle backrubs and love yous.

resist the urge to scream

FUCKING A ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THE STORAGE SHEDS? WHAT THE HELL? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT EVEN IF IT'S A MILLION DOLLARS IT IS WORTH NOTHING BECAUSE IT IS YOUR PAIN JUST SITTING THERE? MOUNTAINS AND MOUNTAINS OF PAIN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU DO IS COLLECT STUFF INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH YOUR LIFE?? AND ALL THAT CRAP STEALS ENERGY FROM US JUST SITTING THERE!!! DAMMIT!!! WE NEED TO GET RID OF SO MUCH BECAUSE IT WILL KILL US IN THE END!!

so, i toss when he's not looking.

better this way.

And really, his pile is small and manageable. And we focus on dealing with things healthily. Dealing with stress with dignity and grace.

and distractions like backrubs and such

:)

so what is the delusional hoarders like?

[OTTami]

I don't know why I was a hoarder or how I stopped being one. I mean, I still hoard little bits, I have things like pins with cute sayings and a couple of toys that I do not need at all - no, not at all, but I love the memories associated with them, so they stay. But the stuff in piles all around my dad's house - so much of it was garbage, and so much of it was mine, and so much of it we hauled off to the dump, 2 or 3 carloads at a time Saturday after Saturday - I don't know why I kept it, and I don't know how I parted with it.

The brain is a scary place.

I know that I'm much, much happier living in a home where I'm not ashamed to invite people over.

[Becs]

I can't bear to watch the hoarding shows. One reason is because it's too much like what I lived with, with Xman. The other reason is that I'm scared that's what I'll turn into - if I haven't already.

[TheQueen]

Mrs Hall - I kept wonder why that show didnt make the arguement that other people could bebefit from the blankets in the yard, no matter how ratty. How does he reacts to that?
Tami - That is an inspiring story. They say on the show how rare it is for a hoarder to change. I think I heard it suggested it was a form of OCD.
Becs - No, you always know where all your cats are.

[Mrs. Hall]

How does who react to which story? Mr. Hall and the hoarders?

I can say I have a lot of power to direct things in that regard. I have a lot of power to direct Mr. Hall.

Now, the key is not going apeshit and yelling but rather coaxing with backrubs and the like.

Using the feminine whiles as it were.

He knows he has problem and is totally willing to let me help him :)

[TheQueen]

Mrs hall - How does Mr Hall react to the "dog in the manger" argument. But it sounds like you have it under control without using logic.

[Suebob]

I lived with a mild-to-moderate entitled hoarder. He collected paper and magazines. He had every copy of every magazine he liked to read. I could NOT get him to give anything up without him stressing out bigtime, so I would scoop armloads of his crap, stuff them in a big messenger bag and take them to work to recycle. He never noticed when anything was gone if he didn't see me taking it.

[Thequeen]

Suebob - My dad hoarded Playboys, that was the only magazine he liked to keep.