Pillow Fight

My asthmatic family uses fiber-fill. Gary's Irish / German family uses feathers. Pillows are a big issue here.

I lost the pillow fight before I ever started: when we married I was  younger than Gary's pillow.  He didn't sleep on it though, he just kept it around like all his retired pillows. Maybe someday technology will restore life from the DNA of decayed chicken feathers. His pillows never go to pasture, he just stacks up more pillows, all worn thin as padded manila envelopes, all filled with chicken dust.

I'd quietly sleep on the feather pillows, and then once when one wore out, I bought a new one. "Nooooo! Noooo! Too puffy! Too puffy!"

Now I've grown into my own and I've feathered the guest nest with my type of pillows. And every time Gary tries to get into the little twin bed he screams about how he's being smothered by pillows, and why can't you beat these pillows down till they're smaller, and the pillows are trying to kill him.

My pillows: on right. Gary's nasty pillow that you could wad up into one C cup, on the left. If you punched that pillow powdered down would come out.

Comments

[Big Dot]

OK, I'm hacking and retching at the mere thought of how many dust mites there must be inside that thing. It is UNSANITARY!

I'm all for feather pillows (actually, goose down) that don't spend all night fighting back, but TELL GARY THEY ARE NOT IMMORTAL!

Younger than the pillow: funny, yes, but also DISGUSTING!!!

[#0.75]

I'm surprised he isn't constantly ill.

[SurprisingWoman]

I was cringing while reading this. ICK

[Candy]

OK I'm troubled by this in a number of ways. #1, I too was once a pillow stasher. I have ever pillow I've ever owned. But once I learned about what grows and lives inside a pillow - especially a down one - I finally overcame my addiction and moved along.

#2, those blue shams you have there? I have the exact same ones. And the matching bed covers.

I had no idea...

[Caroline]

I have to have a pillow tower. 3 pillows for reading. 2 for watching TV. 1 for sleeping. Basically, I toss pillows on the floor as I progress toward sleep.

I don't keep pillows forever, but I feel guilty getting rid of something that may still have some use. The last time we replaced pillows I put the old ones in the area under the steps in case we ever wait out a storm down there. I have pillows, but no bottled water. There is no logic to it.

[Becs]

I need at least five pillows to sleep. And then there's that damn pea under the mattress...

I make a little nest for myself in the bed. One under my knees, one on each side, two under my head.

There are times when it's good to live alone.

BTW, you can actually wash the pillows, Gary.

[Sherri]

I'm a pillow recycler. Once a pillow is no longer bed-worthy, I can wash it (!) fold it in half, and cover it in a nice fabric for use as a decorative throw pillow. Or a new cat bed. Then, when someone spills a drink or a cat vomits on the throw pillow, I can throw it away with no guilt what so ever.

No feather pillows, though, of any kind. Those little feathers come out through the fabric and FREAK me out. Also, they poke.

I make all the pillow decisions in my house. The Husband has a selection of different pillows since I, too, require multiple pillows for different purposes. He has yet to claim he's being attacked by a pillow, except those moments I've threatened to smother him if he didn't stop snoring.

[TheQueen]

Big Dot - Hey! Tell Caroline! She secrets them in an annex under the stairs like the Frank family.
.75 - Maybe thats where the epilepsy comes from.
Surprising Woman - Gary reacted by being just a little bit ashamed, I'm glad to say.
Candy - EE! Did you get them at Marshalls/Home Goods for 12 bucks?
Caroline - Would you like more? Theres two decades worth on really stained flat feather pillows in a plastic bin in our basement.
Becs - You can wash feather pillows? Don't the feathers get wet? Don't they smell like wet feathers?
Sherri-Yeah, I did almost smother Gary with the big blue pillows. I wish I had your Pillow Authority.

[Becs]

Yes, dear, the feathers get wet. That's the point. Try drying it on low with a tennis ball in the dryer. Otherwise, hang it on the line for a couple of days. Then spray the hell out of it with Febreeze. The chicken stinkiness goes away in a couple of days.

Chickens have been known to get wet and I don't think it's actually killed any of them yet. Although a friend of mine has actually seen turkeys drown by looking up during a rainstorm.

[TheQueen]

Becs - Ewww! No really ewww! Oh, and given Gary can't stand to have carpets cleaned or the oven cleaned because the smell poisons him and makes his throat "CLOSE UP IN ANAPHALACTIC SHOCK" I'm thinking this will not fly. Maybe I could tar-and feather someone, Caroline, we could both use our pillows.

[Caroline]

I probably could come up with 10 names of people who deserve such a fate without even trying.

[magpie]

Here's what my sister and I do with the dead feather pillows. We get liquored up, slit them open, and drive around the suburbs in the dark, spewing feathers. The neighbors are confused - "it's like someone killed a chicken", "what kind of tree blooms in the fall?"

[TheQueen]

Caroline - Ten! Undercurrents run deep down south.
Magpie - Oooo! Just like the scene in Doubt! Did God tell you to?