The grocery store visit began innocently enough. Gary was in the produce aisle and asked "Carrots are too crunchy. Why don't they make and sell steamed carrots?"
"I could make you steamed carrots," I murmured obediently.
"No!" Gary cried out, "It's too messy. It's too messy when you cook! Oh look, here they are."
"Well, it was meant to be. You have to buy them. And these."
I hate beets, but Gary must be iron-deficient, and we were on a weird food roll.
(Gimme the sweet beets gimme the sweet beets baby from mah own backyaaaaard.)
About then I started to grab ridiculous things off the shelves for myself. Like these. Never fried, never baked, just popped. I doubt they are tasty, but who knows, maybe they are.
This was really good butter. It's cultured butter, motherfuckers.
I have not yet tried the 18 dollar a pound Spanish Manchego goat cheese above. As you see Gary has tried it but evidently he didn't like it. Because it is still here.
I wanted to buy a watermelon, and of course Gary roared "TOO MESSY!" Then we considered pre-cut watermelon, and found they now have watermelon cut into spears, because that isn't racist, and then I found this: Watermelon Tenderloin. A good compromise. Gary deemed it not too messy.
I also bought some Mizthra cheese to grate on some Orzo pasta to make what I will call Pasta with a Z. I'm not picturing it here because one wedge of Mizthra looks like another. This caused some confusion tonight when Gary was tearing through the fridge looking for expired food. "THIS WEIRD MIZTHRA CHEESE HAS BEEN IN THE FRIDGE FOR MONTHS!"
"Days. We bought it two days ago."
"Noooo ... see, the expiration date is 9-9-09."
"Yes. Nine. September."
"EXACTLY! NINE! SEPTEMBER!"
I paused, then pointed at the calendar. "July."
"SEPTEMBER! NINE! SEPTEMBER!"
"July, August, September."
Anyway, it was fun to buy ridiculous food, especially since Gary paid the bill. They can steam my beets and culture my butter, that's fine, but I would never pay to have someone cut the rind off a watermelon for me.