When Becs has told me that Panera Bread (St. Louis Bread Company to the locals) thinks my blog is porn and won't allow access, I've assumed she's just gotten a message like the one I get at work: "Access to this website is restricted."
When I got a twitter from Hot Mom and friend again mentioning, specifically, "porn," I went and did a little more research.
(I didn't go to to Panera to research it, because Panera comes to me. Gary often drops by on the way home. For example, last night he brought a delicious grilled turkey sandwich and a chocolate duet cookie, the best chocolate cookie I've ever had. Mmmm. Go buy one now. Panera is heaven!)
My research led me to Mediagirl.org, then on to the specific filter Panera uses. You can go there and see how Panera rates your blog.
Me first me first! And yes my blog is currently rated as: Category 4: Pornography
I thought it might be all Typepad blogs, but SoThatHappened is Category 15: Business and Economy and 31: Web Communications
"Oh, it's the toe porn," I thought, and checked out toe porn wanna-be Jammies. Nope, hers is the very neutral Category 31: Web Communications.
How about someone pure, and who better but Autumn? Her Xanga is Category 31: Web Communications, Category 13: Chat/IM, and - score! Category 6, Adult/Mature Content. Not flat-out porn, but still nothing to be ashamed of.
Everyone else is is pretty much unrated or Category 31: Web Communications.
Happily, there is a way to protest. I explained to the filter service that there is a difference between porn and satirical porn, and that the "Must be 18 to Enter" category discussed labial cysts and vaginal prolapse. I asked to be reclassified as Adult/Mature Content, because it is a family place and I wouldn't want to put a mom off her delicious Broccoli-Cheese Soup. (That's my favorite. Go get some now!)
I delayed posting this until I got feedback, and here it is:
"You submitted the following rating request to SonicWALL CFS Support:
Rate mocklog.typepad.com as "6.Adult/Mature Content" at 2009-06-04 20:25:00.273
The request has been reviewed and rated as:
"31.Web Communications" at 2009-06-05 08:35:31.363
You should see this rating change reflected within 1 to 3 business days."
So, essentially they said, "You call that adult?"
I'm Category 64: Unrated
I feel so lame.
Posted by: magpie | June 05, 2009 at 01:22 PM
Hot Mom has a twitter account?
Posted by: #0.75 | June 05, 2009 at 01:29 PM
Haha my blog is
Category 15:
Business and Economy
Category 14:
Arts/Entertainment
Weird.
Posted by: Rebecca | June 05, 2009 at 01:45 PM
Had the forest mushroom soup and the Asiago Beef sandwich at Panera's last night -- they were out of the chocolate duet cookies, though, much to my husband's heartbreak.
I remember some 10 years ago (gah) when the first Panera's opened in Winter Park, right in front of Rollins College where I was working on my degree, and my best friend and I ate there and studied there two or three times a week. Chicken and Wild Rice soup in a breadbowl. Cobblestones! Even salads on occasion. Pure Bliss.
But, tonight...turkey pastrami sushi.
Posted by: Sherri | June 05, 2009 at 02:18 PM
Panera is awesome? Really? i had my first experience with The Panera a couple months ago while visiting a friend in NJ. I was really underwhelmed by my chocolate crossiant.
Posted by: Erin G. | June 05, 2009 at 03:02 PM
I'm not sure whether to offer congratulations or condolences on your new rating. How about thoughts?
Posted by: Caroline | June 05, 2009 at 07:31 PM
We don't have Panera here, but I've heard it's awesome. Mine came up unrated. I'm flying under the Panera radar.
Posted by: floating princess | June 05, 2009 at 08:44 PM
Congrats! You are now approved by Panera. I'm sitting here with my cinnamon crunch bagel and ginger peach tea.
Their chocolate croissant does leave much to be desired, especially since they expect you to heat it in the microwave. The horror...the horror.
Posted by: Becs | June 06, 2009 at 07:37 AM
Magpie - I like floating princesses interpretation - "flying under the Panera radar."
.75 - No - it was From the Dark Side's twitter. Or she might be Mare now.
Rebecca - I found someone who was "games." For no reason at all.
Sherri - Turkey Pastrmi sushi sounds like something that should be marked as unclean by a middle-eastern religion.
Erin G - first, as Becs said, you have to heat it in the microwave, and it isnt a choclate croissant anymore, is it? It's a chocolate "pastry." Seriously, get the Asiago Cheese bagel or a Duet cookie.
Caroline - I was glad to be porn, but I dont want to inconvenience anyone.
floating princess - When I saw some of you were "unrated" I thought of sexy foreign films.
Becs - I was going to suggest heating it in the microwave. Do they have gooey butter cake poasry there or is it just StL?
Posted by: TheQueen | June 06, 2009 at 08:51 AM
You know I have no clue what you're talking about right?
Posted by: #0.75 | June 07, 2009 at 11:09 AM
.75 - I keep forgetting all my facebook "friends" don't know each other...
Posted by: TheQueen | June 08, 2009 at 09:06 AM
I had so much to say and then I got to the part where you checked my blog (that I haven't written on in months...perhaps I should now). I wasn't expecting that...I totally just laughed and then blushed!!! What the heck?! I wonder what the adult/mature content on my blog is...now I have to finish reading your post. Hee hee.
Posted by: Autumn | June 09, 2009 at 02:19 PM
Do you have a twitter account? Why am I not following you?
Posted by: Autumn | June 09, 2009 at 02:20 PM
Autumn - LNSchmidt (say it out loud; you'll get it). Yeah, I couldn't find anything adult on yours. What the hey?
Posted by: TheQueen | June 10, 2009 at 12:41 AM