Before LobSlau, Gary ran to the store like he always does at the last minute before guests come. If he had been invited to the Last Supper, he would have been panicking at the grocery. "How many guests? 13? 16? 20? 20 fish then. Do we have enough wine? Jesus might not want to make more. What about soup! WE HAVE TO HAVE SOUP! And Thomas is bringing cake but I doubt everyone will want that type of cake we have to have a variety of cake, and enough so all 25 people can have a serving!"
He did scream when we opened up the lobster box, but then so did I.
At first we didn't know why this lobster was puking up frothy bubbles. (WARNING: GRAPHIC LOBSTER VIDEO BELOW MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN)
Come to find out lobsters get motion sickness. I didn't read the research myself. Gary said googling "lobster vomit" just brought up hits on food poisoning. (He was anticipating "Lobster Vomit" would hit band names. If anyone from the Slaughter remembers the title for Lobster Vomit's imaginary first album I would love to know.)
The motion sickness came from the FedEx ride, not from the Roomba ride. The lobster on the Roomba first held on tight for the big initial donut and then the Roomba headed for the couch. Fast. Just enough time for me to estimate the clearance the lobster would have needed - oops. Not enough clearance. The lobster sheared off like the top of a semi under an overpass. Oh, stop wincing in sympathy. Fine, he was fine.
I tried to work up some hostility toward the lobsters by accusing them of drowning their children, but people seemed quite happy to let them die for no good reason. Hot Mom, however, did try to bond a little with her selected lobster. She got all maternal and pointed in Vomit Lobster's face. "Don't you DARE get my lobster sick."
Here's something else I learned: I am a crappy hostess. .75 asked for some water. I pointed at the cabinet. She went to the cabinet and said plaintively, "I can't reach the glasses." I got her a glass, and I think that was the last thing I did. Marcia cooked lobsters 2- 8. She might have pithed them first; I don't know. We were following the instructions from the lobster company and they said nothing about that. They also said nothing about pulling the lobster out after a minute because you forgot to snip off the claw bands. I did that with the first lobster. That was regrettable.
Anyway, another thing I learned is that fresh lobster is really really sweet. I would have said fresh "Maine" lobster, but while the company is in Maine the lobsters are clearly marked "Wild Canadian." And then I thought, "Well I like everything else Canadian, and it's not like they have zip codes in the ocean."
The in-laws today begged Gary to stop talking about the lobsters. No one wanted to see the puking lobster video. "We're animal lovers!" Wilma said, chewing on spiral-cut ham and hard-boiled eggs, "We don't want to think about that."
So, at the Slaughter I thought about that, and I made my friends do all the work while I was "hostess," as Mom always did. (Mom's friends sent a nice note on the anniversary of her death.) I decided what to do with the rest of the ashes: they are going on the graves of her family.
Next GNO we kill and pluck a chicken.