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March 04, 2009



Wow, does this post ever resonate with me...


Ellen, if I were anywhere near St. Louis, I'd volunteer to come over and knife the thing for you before you threw it in the pot. Or just applaud.

Why? Because I've been letting my emotions kick the ass of my reason, and I've got to cut that out. I can, in fact, stand it, and it will not be "too much for me".

Thanks for the wake-up call.


My husband's family is the same way. I think it's just a way to make something that has very little to DO with them, all ABOUT them. IMHO.


"I think I'm going to symbolically thank Mom for it by doing the most clear-eyed, rational, indelicate thing I can think of: I'm killing something and eating it." = the best damned sentence I've read in a long time.


Wilma's choice is not emotion over logic. It's emotion (love of self) over emotion (love of husband).

And Karen can find surgical masks that loop over the ears in any large pharmacy. They're not uncomfortable, and the staff will think she's wonderfully thoughtful. (I wore them when I visited Jay with a cold.)

I "killed" Jay, too. I let him go because I didn't want him to suffer any more. That was emotion over emotion, too. A lot of what we think is reason is actually emotion.


All I can think of to say is that I wonder how you wear pants with balls that big. I don't think I could look at myself as clearly as you do.


We live about 1000 miles apart but I really think we could be friends. It's that whole "reality-based" way of thinking that certain people cannot abide, and that makes kindred spirits recognize each other, and crack each other up. If you have ever been called "cold-blooded" when you thought you were just being logical, you know what I mean.

Erin G.

Awesome entry!

Big Dot

I killed my father like that, 8 years ago and it still comes back to haunt me now and then, though I know it was what he wanted. It's nearly a year since my mother died, too, and that is also about guilt, since I wasn't with her when she went, having put my family first - again, the right thing to do in those particular circumstances, but hard to live with sometimes.

Your in-laws seem to be all about rationalising things to do what they want. We all do it, but some of us have enough grace to be ashamed at the same time.

Big Dot

Also, I'm going away again tomorrow and will be checking in when I can. Since you've been so clever guessing the last few places, this is your clue: they eat lots of rice there.



Lauren - I picture you vibrating like a gong.
Tami - Knife it? I thought I just slam it against the counter. I'll have to see what Julia Child says. Better me than the guy at Red Lobster.
Shania - Gah! And it's always a drama they dump on someone else, then. They yell, then that calms them down, and the next person on the chain has to choose to deal with it or yell at someone else.
Magpie - Surely someone feels for the lobster? I thought of you.
~~Silk - Interesting! Then my desire to buy something is less than my fear of debt. Its all about the emotions.
Angie - (Strokes balls tenderly) But still, here I am being extreme, and I should try and temper it a little.
gaoo - Come over. We'll have some lobster.
Erin G - Thanks. I liked it, anyway.
Big Dot - I wasn't there when Dad died, and Gary picked me up at the airport and reminded me it isn't the moment the person dies that counts, but all the other moments before.
Oh, and Wikipedia says:
Consumption of rice by country—2003/2004
(million metric tons)
China 135
India 85
Egypt 39

Big Dot


But that was very interesting about Egypt...


being on the emotion swingerer end of the spectrum, i have to say i really liked this post. . .the older i get the more useful i find reason in tempering my emotions(well some of them). . .makes this whole existence thing a bit easier. . .


I can only dream about going up to the east coast and having them pull a lobster out of the ocean for me, boil it in hot water, smack it upside thet head a few times and have the best meal ever.


Ellen- I'm from Maine. You wanna come over here? We can go find us a nice fresh lobster down on the dock somewhere, shoot it, knife it, smack it against the counter, or whatever, then cook it and raise a glass to all our dead loved ones. Though where I'm from, the first thing you do with a live lobster when you get it home is let it crawl around on the floor to amuse the youngsters (and the cat), THEN kill it. Then they eat it happily. Bloodthirsty little savages. Perhaps that's why my daughter's a vegetarian.
But srsly, if you're ever in Maine....

mrs. hall

sorry about this, but i feel a swear coming on. I am a nurse practitioner. I was a nurse first. still am.

fucking what the hell with that nurse that was with the lung doctor?

see, the medical model is all about pushing pushing pushing and never ever ever ever ever letting the nature of life enter the picture of their care.

the nurse model is all about quality of life. all about care directed by and for the patient (or POA in your case).


I feel angry for you that they got up on the back legs and said the stupidist shit in the world. Pain medication will decrease lung function.

fuck them.

they don't know.

people are more then lung function.

good for you for firing his narrow minded ass. and boo for the nurse that didn't pay attention to what was going on, to what her patient needed.

and thank god for hospice nurses. I dabbled in that for two years. They are some of the best examples of what a nurse really is.

ok-sorry about that personal stuff, this is your blog ;)

and I say goddammit yes


it's the least I can do to repair that that other nurse did.

take care ellen :)

mrs. hall


A) Your MIL is afraid of being old and the implications of a nursing home. Screw her husband's rehab.

B) The pathology of your SIL's need for control is scary.

C) Your mother entrusted you with a most difficult and heart-wrenching task: to let her go. She knew, above all others, she could count on you. She was right. And it sucks.

D) I'm showing up for a lobster bloodbath on the 10th.

Hot Mom

Uh. What I said on the Twitter post. Uh. Sorry.


Big Dot - How are things in Guangzhou?
Keri - I've always thought that at birth you're just a raw blob of emotion, then as you get older it fades every decade. Good and bad points to that.
.75 - Except for Maine Ive got you covered
gaoo - I am going to have the lobsters shipped from Maine. Maybe they've seen you!
mrs. hall - I thank you, and my mom thanks you. She always hated that bitch.
3 - Nope, it's the 3rd now. And the S-I-L has decided her dad will be in a wheelchair, the wheelchair wont fit through the door if the couch is there and a loveseat would be better, and the recliner is too old, so she browbeat her mom into agreeing to let strangers take the old furniture the next day, then she called Gary to tell him not to talk to his Mom and change her mind, then Gary hung up on her, then her Mom cried, but still the parents have new furniture.
Hot Mom - whatever, whenever, we'll figure it out.


Nah, I don't feel for the lobster - though I rather like the idea of killing them more than the actuality, only because I don't really like lobster at all...


Queen - Which is why I am bummed if it's the 10th.


magpie - I'm hoping fresh lobster has a very different texture than frozen.
.75 - It looks like you might be the only one voting for the 3rd...Come late! We can give Your lobster a stay of execution.

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