So, crack detectives, put these facts together.
My Dog is over 10.
He is fed a daily diet of Minute Rice, Bob Evans Turkey in Gravy, and Paws Kibble, except he hoards the Kibble for later.
His favorite place is on top of my head. Scared? Climbs on my head. Lonely? Climbs on my head. We're in bed? Climbs on my head.
So, lately, the dog has taken a fancy to bare-dog on bare-head action. His bare dog spots are a) his anus and b) his teat area. My bare head spots are essentially my forehead and face. If he is feeling secure, he'll just creep in by the headboard and jam his anus up into my temple. But, if he's distressed because of a storm he'll face away from the headboard, straddle my skull, and drape his teat area across my forehead and nose. My mouth is crushed by his chest, but he's so relaxed I don't mind suffocation.
But then I hear a little "pft" sound.
When dogs are young, they don't break wind. When they are middle aged they might break wind - and while you may smell it, you don't hear it. Now my old dog breaks wind every night. "Pft." In my HAIR. Several times. I imagine it's still a bad smell. I don't breathe a minute or so after the "pft."
Some mornings I really have asked Gary to smell my hair to see if I wake up with dog fart hair. He says no.