In every "Top Ten Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage" article, "change your appearance with a wig" is at least in the top three.
I've always wanted shiny long blonde hair, and I know Gary's probably always wanted [a woman with] shiny long blonde hair. Given his interest in The Girls Next Door, he must crave women who are blonde, dumb, thin and busty. And now with the wig I got on-line I can give him three out of four! (You can't fake thin.)
So the wig came today as we were getting ready to go to his Mom's house for the birthdays of the niece and nephew. I snuck it off the porch, put it on when Gary was showering, looked in the mirror and thanked God for giving me brown hair. If you want to love your hair, walk a mile in someone else's hair.
When the shower stopped, I chatted with him outside the door until he came out and saw me. Immediate laughter. No other immediate reaction. And there was no question about that. I looked.
"Nothing," he said, gesturing into his general naked hip area.
I turned around and shielded my face.
"Still nothing."
I giggled and wiggled my ample ass.
"Hey. Hey now! None of that. No no no." He started to push me away. "There will be no sex on the way to my Mom's. I can't think about sex if I'm going to my Mom's." I knew I had him, only I'd have to wait.
However, you can make you dog look really sexy before you go to Gary's Mom's.
Dumb blonde dog:
Dumb blonde dog begins to realize his sexuality:
Dumb blonde dog rolls about on some sexxxy flannel pajamas he has found:
Dumb blonde dog exposes himself and works in some tongue action.
Well, since those photos were taken we've had the birthday celebration - and oh - there is nothing more humorous than watching a Yemeni-bound 24-year old trying to eat lasagna with his hand. He tried his hand, he tried pinching it with a piece of bread in his hand, and then he had to resort to the infidel gold-plate flatware of the Great Satan K-Mart.
Anyway, we're back and it's late. All I've done with The Wig is brush it. I think I might need to flesh out my Fat Girl Next Door persona. I think she needs a Southern accent and maybe a little hiccup at the end of the giggle. Maybe I'll give her a drug habit, I don't know.
Next time you're at the Great Satan K-Mart, be sure to pick up some shorts that are too tight and a tube top. And some ridiculously cheap and impractical shoes. If it doesn't do it for Gary, at least you've got next year's Halloween costume.
Posted by: Becs | January 04, 2009 at 07:37 AM
That last snapshot of Dumb Blonde Dog is a riot. Now, if you can only get Dumb Blonde Dog to sport a cigarette and a shot glass.
Posted by: Richard Basile | January 04, 2009 at 08:58 AM
Tube top and a shrug with sequins on it. They exist. I've seen and walked a wide circle around them. Maybe you can find those acrylic platform shoes with the LED lights that flash when you walk.
Puppy porn?
Posted by: Sherri | January 04, 2009 at 09:32 AM
I'm amazed at how parallel we run! I've been toying with the idea of going into town and trying on dark wigs (my current color is like your wig, but the only way I can get the shine is to iron it, and then it all breaks and falls off my head).
Yeah, try it again with Gary, but next time, don't be you. Be someone else. With bright red lipstick!
Posted by: ~~Silk | January 04, 2009 at 09:32 AM
Gary should respond well to a tattoo of a cone of food. Just a thought.
Posted by: #3 | January 04, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Gold plated utensils? No wonder nothing happened after dinner. Although it's just about tacky enough for a Girl Next Door.
Posted by: Caroline | January 04, 2009 at 11:27 AM
Dude! You already got your Halloween costume! No fair!
Um...can I invite the blonde to my party?
Posted by: #0.75 | January 04, 2009 at 12:06 PM
I should add I admire the choice of lasagne for dinner, particularly for a precious lad who has regressed to eating like a 1-year-old.
Posted by: #3 | January 04, 2009 at 06:22 PM
I think that wig was made for that dog.
Posted by: magpie | January 04, 2009 at 07:54 PM
I think that wig was made for that dog.
Posted by: magpie | January 04, 2009 at 07:56 PM
That poor dog is a hoot! Did he roll on command? Loved it!
Posted by: judibleu | January 04, 2009 at 11:20 PM
Becs - Were it not for the shoes I could be Fat Britney.
Richard Basile (Hi!)- Oh, no, he's a Cosmo dog.
Sherri - Ohh! Clear heels.
~Silk - I didnt go so far as to arrange a meeting out ... because thats a really fake wig.
3 - This comment really baffled Gary. I had to explain.
Caroline - I KNOW. And the in-laws made US buy them for them for Christmas one year.
.75 - Sure. Except, she's really stupid.
3 - Sigh. Do they have Cheerios in Yemen?
magpie - He is a Silky Terrier.
Judibleu - He needed no direction. He's a natural actress.
Posted by: TheQueen | January 05, 2009 at 01:42 AM
That dog is hawt. Actually, he looks just like my little dog who died a few years ago, except she was a girl. And definitely hawt.
Posted by: Marianna Scheffer | January 05, 2009 at 02:36 AM
Hattie - I believe Mac's pedigree papers said his name was "Dusty DoRight" of the Arkansas DoRights. Perhaps they are related.
Posted by: TheQueen | January 06, 2009 at 12:09 AM
And I thought I didn't like dogs. I like this one!
Posted by: My World's a Stage | January 09, 2009 at 07:16 PM
My World's a Stage - I used to think I didn't like dogs, then I met my first dog, Fred.
Posted by: TheQueen | January 11, 2009 at 02:14 AM