This is grim. I had a grim little epiphany sometime this weekend.
My grandmother Lucille (Granceil) had three children, Jimmy, Delores, and Mom.
Jimmy
I could post a photo of Jimmy, but you wouldn't believe it - he was a perfect, curly- haired tow-headed boy. The photo of him as a toddler in the thirties looks like an advertisement. When he was five he got scarlet fever and Granceil was told she had to put him in the children's Quarantine hospital.
On his death certificate a month laster, the doctor listed: "scarlet fever, measles, mumps, chicken pox, rubella, whooping cough." When Granceil asked why so many illnesses were listed, the doctor told her Jimmy caught all those other diseases in the hospital, and he might have lived if he'd been allowed to stay at home.
Margaret (Mom)
A few years after Jimmy died Granceil had Delores and then two years after that, Mom. Mom got polio when she was 13, in 1947. The doctors explained to Granceil that it was quite possible that Mom's immune system was too weak to fight off the polio virus because Granceil was very clean, and specifically, "washed the grapes."
Delores
Delores, Mom's slightly older sister, was a poor replacement for Jimmy from the day she was born. She sassed, she disobeyed, she grew up to have boobs and boyfriends and an abortion. At 19, she and "Aunt" Carleen drove to visit Mom during her second year at Columbia. It was raining, and her car spun out of control on Hwy 40. Carleen survived, but Delores was thrown from the car, hit her head on a milepost and died instantly. While the doctors did not place the blame for this one on her, Granceil still felt responsible.
Then, after all that, Granceil started taking in foster children during the next ten years, until her daughter and grandkids arrived from Houston after Mom's divorce. I asked Mom why Granceil would want to take in foster kids; she said she thought Granceil wanted to get it "right" at least once.
So, if anyone asks why I don't have children, I can point them back to family history. We can't be trusted with them.
That is a heart-stopping tale. Truly.
Posted by: magpie | December 01, 2008 at 09:29 AM
Poor Grandceil! And conversely, polio was also blamed on bad housekeeping and the children being allowed to get dirty.
Emma's mother had three kids - Emma and her two brothers. Emma's mother told her more than once that she never wanted a girl. Emma's brother Luke died when he was 15, hit by a car. Emma's older brother Jon died when he was 28 of a drug overdose. It was two weeks before his body was found.
And now guess who takes care of Emma's mom? And she still tells Emma she never wanted any girls. Emma said she never wanted kids because "they die."
I watched my aunt go through pregnancy after pregnancy, only to have tragic stillbirths or toxemia or the cord in the wrong place. With each pregnancy, she was told her chances of surviving the pregnancy were poor. I never wanted to have kids because they could kill you.
Posted by: Becs | December 01, 2008 at 04:01 PM
That's so sad, on so many levels, and for so many people. My kids are teenagers now, so I'm not the one to consult about the joys of motherhood. Who knows which way is best? It's a bummer that you can't run life through again with the other option. It's all guesswork, pluses and negatives both ways. Except maybe more stretch marks with kids. Or not, if donuts are your thing...
Posted by: Big Dot | December 01, 2008 at 06:21 PM
Magpie - To be more accurate, perhaps an ovary-stopping tale.
Becs - When I watched "Steel Magnolias" I was so ticked at my friends who thought it was sad. "Stupid woman KNEW having a baby could kill her! What is wrong with her? Shes a moron!" (My review was met with silence. I think they think it's romantic to die for a baby.)
Big Dot - See, babies do nothing for me, but teenagers are fascinating.
Posted by: TheQueen | December 02, 2008 at 12:33 AM
wow...
Posted by: sue | December 02, 2008 at 10:41 AM