Remember DoppleGary? The guy with Gary's name? His creditors would call us after finding my "Gary S____" in the phone book?
And remember the Return of DoppleGary when his creditors began calling again?
Well, I hold DoppleGary's finances in my hands now. Hear now the tale.
First, a few months ago we got a phone call from a lawyer's office looking for Marla or Gary S_____. "Who the hell is this Marla woman?" I thought, "Mrs. DoppleGary's name is Elaine" (hence much of the confusion). I called the lawyer back and left a message about how my Gary was Gary E. S_____ and the other Gary is Gary X. S_____, and if he can find Gary X., I sure would like to know his phone number so I could forward all my calls to him.
Then yesterday, "Marla" got a letter from Bank of America, the bank favored by two out of two Gary S_____s. Based on my calculations, Marla's credit card is up to $150,000.00. They tell her "Based on your recent payment history, we did not write off the above-referenced account as a bad debt last month." When I called Bank of America today to set them straight, they explained they just look up the address in their database and USE THE FIRST ONE, because of course THAT wouldn't be a problem. It's just that Gary E. comes before Gary X.
"Well who is Marla, then?" I asked, writing down "Gary X."
"Oh, that's his wife."
"Last time I heard his wife was Elaine. Too bad they broke up. Aw, and they had a baby. Darn."
"Yes. Well, I'm sorry, that letter should have gone to Gary and Marla at 789 C_____ Estates Drive."
"Oh, no problem," I said, scribbling away.
There was a slight let down after I hung up and immediately Googled 789 C_____ Estates Drive MO got nothing. But then I looked up just C_____ Estates Drive MO ... and there's one in West County ... and at 1789 we have Gary and Marla S_____.
Google found them because they are selling their house. Their MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE.
At one time, Gary and Marla were trying to sell it for 1.5 MILLION DOLLARS. Now it's on sale for 1.2 MILLION DOLLARS. "MASSIVE PRICE REDUCTION!! Perfect Home!" Google screamed at me. Then Google Satellite whispered, "Look, they don't have a pool, but their neighbors do." I won't post the picture, but I'll show you what a brand new Million dollar home looks like elsewhere:
The square footage is over four times what we have. But I guess that's the penalty for paying your bills.
Oh, yeah, Google coughed up their phone number in about twenty seconds after I saw the photo. Gary saw the photo and said, "You can't give their creditors that number! I bet they have a lawyer living over their garage! They would sue us!"
But I could still get them. Somehow. I know where they live.