Lauren Conrad was presenting an Emmy.
"Who the hell is she?" I asked rhetorically.
Gary said, "Oh, that's Lauren Conrad. She's on that 'Hills' show. The other stars are named Heidi and Spencer and they don't like her."
On further questioning, I found that Gary had never seen "The Hills." He knew of Lauren and Spencer and Heidi through their exposure in Us Magazine. Gary loves Us. He has a subscription. He will come out of the bathroom, waving the Us and raving about the quality of the paper. He also reads Life & Style and complains about the vote tally on each respective "Who Wore It Best?" ("Look at this! Her shoes don't even match!") Wired Magazine comes in second to Us, but only because the print is too small.
Did the grocery store get this week's Us before in came in our mail? Five minutes of outrage. "Subscribers should get to know about Jessica's Pity Date before grocery shoppers! What the hell?"
The thing that gets me is that I just know Gary tells everyone that I'm the one who reads this trash. In conversation, he's taken to quoting the New York Times. In fact, he's replaced "I heard this thing on National Public Radio" with "I read this thing in the New York Times."
Next time he quotes the New York Times I'm going to ask him who Jen is dating.