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October 20, 2008

Comments

Zayrina

I have thought at times that having dreams about the deceased was a way of them trying to communicate from the beyond. Maybe there really is a message in those dreams, if you can figure them out.

Sherri

I dreamed of my mom for years after her death -- mostly dreams in which she denied she was dead. She claimed to have gotten lost and to have been kidnapped by pirates and any number of farfetched excuses. Then, when I was about 21, I had a last dream about her where she knew she was dead. Since then, in any dream I have about her, she does not know who I am.

Dreams about my dad are different. He either doesn't know me, or the dreams are replays of things that happened (more or less) while he was alive. I always know they are dreams.

With Mom gone now 27 (I just counted) years, and Dad gone 8, I don't think about them most days. Then I'll be standing in the Christmas Tree forest at Lowes and miss them both so terribly much I start crying in front of the inflatable displays. I've had more practice missing Mom so it's sort of old ground by now, but I'm still working on missing Dad. TV commercials make me cry about my dad.

I never noticed anything at 6 months. Of course, neither of my parents were letter writers, so I have very little left of them to make secret discoveries.

Amy in StL

I think when someone dies you always wonder if there's something you didn't know about them or some secret place they stashed their most valuable valuables. It's probably because we're never really ready for them to go, so we never feel like we totally know them.

Candy

I was just about to write how I never dream about my parents, and then I remembered a dream I had 2 weeks ago that sent me into a funk for 2 days. Obviously I'd like to forget that one.

It was a dream in which my mother appeared at a function I was at with my sisters, and basically wanted nothing to do with me. She was so happy to see my sisters, but not me. I just got a vacant smile. She knew who I was but didn't really care. It was heartbreaking.

Both parents have been dead 15 years now. I never dream about my father. Never.

magpie

Oh.

If I ever dream about another room filled with stuff in my mother's house, I think I will die. Occasionally, while I'm at her house watching over her, I wander around and think about how much work it will be to empty her house of her stuff. Oh. My. God.

TasterSpoon

Oh man. No wisdom here, just sympathy.

I still cry about my grandmother, and that was a year and a half ago. I do feel like I've missed so much - like I was too young to know her when she was young, and when I was old enough, she was uninterested in talking about the past.

And you were so much closer to your mom.

Becs

In my dreams, I get phone calls from dead people. Usually only one. When my grandmother died, I dreamed I got a phone call from her. She said, "I like it here. I miss y'all, but I'm so much happier here, so don't you go worrying about me."

Before she died, my favorite aunt had a laryngectomy and spoke through an artificial larynx. In her phone call, she spoke with her old voice. In fact, when I remember conversations with her, it's always her voice I remember.

I am a horrible person, though. When my mother died, it was a relief and it was maybe three weeks later that I realized I was free from her and her abuse forever.

Ditto my grandfather.

TheQueen

Zayrina - I think maybe, since Marcia's dead mom was there, maybe she was trying to communicate with me. Only, she didn't say anything.
Sherri - That made me smile, though I know it shouldn't have. It's just that I can not picture my Mom saying she was lost and not dead. And this is the first time in at least ten years Dad has made an appearance in a dream. I guess the whole family had to be there.
Amy in StL - If Mom had valuble valubles she would have left instructions in the Death File.
Candy - Oh, that sounds sad. What did you DO 2 weeks ago that would make you dream that your Mom would shun you?
Magpie - Yeah, Mom's house is just sitting there. I'm blaming the economy. Why bother trying to sell it? I may soon lose track of how many houses I have. (And, why not an Estate sale? They take care of all of it.)
TasterSpoon - Yeah. The neurologist was just talking about when your Mom dies, it just leaves a hole in your heart. I feel pleased I will not die an leave holes.
Becs - Well, I don't think you are horrible. That makes sense to me.

#3

I totally get it. Yet, I'm not sure, being an orphan but married, you'd have this particularly strange emotion (even 17 years later): complete and utter vulnerability.

Must be a singles thing.

Six more months. It doesn't go away, you just get distance and it starts to get better with distance.

Suebob

Yeah, six months was bad.

Libby

I had a dream (ha! I just typo'd "dread" there) shortly after my dad died, although I'm not sure of the timeline, but I'm pretty sure it was less than 6 months after he died. Anyway, my dad showed up in a dream, and I was confused, saying "I thought you were dead!" and he said "I am." It was nice, because I was missing him so badly. I think we just hung out. But I wish there were some kind of hotline or something, where they could call once every so often, because I'd write down all the questions I forgot to ask or didn't think to ask before they both were gone, and now I'll never know. Of course, I'm sure I'd abuse that, using it to just chat with my mom, because sometimes I FORGET that she's dead when sometimes something happens that I just want to tell her, like the time I happened to sit at the table with her former co-worker (that I didn't recognize) at the library fundraiser dinner. That happened 12 years after she was gone, and I caught myself thinking "I'll have to call mom tomorrow, she'll LOVE this..oh wait." I also wanted to call her and discuss Paul Newman's death before I remembered that she was dead, too. Sheesh.

#0.75

I think it's nice that we carry some piece of our parents with us wherever we go. And that's probably why we dream about them so we CAN still talk to them. I guess sometimes you carry good pieces and bad pieces though...

...I was slamming things down around the house when I was pissed off yesterday morning. Just like Mom! hehehe

magpie

Couldn't do an estate sale. They'd do it all wrong, I just know they would.

TheQueen

3 - Encouraging words!
SueBob - Its been bad, but not as bad as when she was dying. It wasn't like that when Dad died.
Libby- I know. She was a Hillary supporter, and I almost called her when she conceded.
.75 - My Mom did that too! Constructive anger.
Magpie - they do tell you not to come...

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