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July 26, 2008



Personally? I eat all the Indian food I want because it makes me happy. Very, very happy. And as for crying, I don't do it much anymore. I would just about rather die than have someone see me cry. I especially don't want to cry at home, for fear I won't be able to stop.

When my mom died, I barely cried at all. Six weeks later when Princess Diana died, I cried so hard for four days that the neck of my shirt was wet. Denial, transference, stuffing your feelings. That's how I deal.

I don't recommend it. Grief counseling. You should go.


I've called the not-so-secret number on the Employee Assistance Plan business cards a couple of times. The people I've talked to there have been pretty good. Friends and family are better, and doctors who can prescribe the appropriate medication.

My personal favorite is doctors who can prescribe the appropriate medication AND tell you not to drink alcohol while you are taking the medication, but then when you press them, they'll admit that the real reason they tell you not to do this is that the alcohol heightens the effect of the medication so you basically become a cheap date. Knowing that made me feel pretty good, actually.

Grief counseling is best if you can get it, and you can, so I agree ... go.


Not that I'm discounting repressed grief (my mother experienced intense grief when her mother died, and required counseling) but isn't emotional lability also a complication of MS???

I'm a represser. Which may be why whiskey is always so attractive.

My uninformed opinion is, do whatever makes you feel better. Except the whiskey. That's not really good for you, either. Just ask my liver.


Champion repressor here. I consider it a special ability to pretend like I'm not feeling anything, but ohmygod is the crashing bad when it happens.

I think you have a good plan in place. Especially the Indian food, because that's totally got to be contributing.


I've just been informed by "he who thinks he knows all" that my medication isn't working and I need to make an appt. He didn't specify and appt. with who, so I'm thinking divorce lawyer works for me.


When my sis died, I cried every single day for almost a year. Sometimes I cried, very, very hard, to the point where I thought "Dang, I am losing my mind." She died in May of last year, and now I am down to just crying 3-4 times a week. I don't really care if I should be over it by now. She was my best friend and life fucking sucks without her and (ok, I'm crying again) and I'm not going to take medication or "get over it." I'm going to do my best and keep on keeping on, but I am still sad.


When my ex-father-in-law died suddenly, I was a wreck and I loathed the man. So crying at the drop of a hat for someone you really liked seems perfectly reasonable to me.

While you don't really need an excuse, I've found when you tell people it's hormones, they nod knowingly and slowly back away, afraid to make any sudden movements. But that may be because I suddenly turn evil and they're afraid of me.


PS. If you deal with the EAP, please ready yourself to go through an auditioning process. The EAP chooses cheap / inexpensive providers, usually social workers. I know someone who's had amazing luck with one, but I went through at least three on my EAP before finding Dr. L, who is a psychiatrist. Make sure there's a true meeting of minds.


I have to imagine Teddy J has a better EAP than Elliott. Call. Counsel. Cry. It's all okay. And with the birthday month quickly approaching, pick somewhere other than Indian food for us to take you for a birthday lunch.


Well, my hand's been in the air since Friday. Is it safe to lower it now?

Seriously, I think that grief manifests itself in all manner of ways. As does Indian food. So it sounds like you're making good choices.

#3 (since now I'm abbreviated)

See, honey, you stood up and flushed, but the ballcock is broken and the turd in still in the toilet. You need a new ball cock.

#3 (since now I'm abbreviated)

Or fish it out with a net and find another toilet since your regular one ain't workin'. Metaphor: EAP

Been there. Done that. And I SELL the t-shirts.


What is Indian food usually served with? Rice!


Uh, for me, lavish doses of Indian food applied on a regular schedule is the proper treatment for grief, so I'm not much help.

Grief does look a lot like depression, from the inside and the outside. The counselor (not a grief specialist) I saw after Dad died couldn't tell the difference, but after some discussion, my doctor and I could.

Wishing you the best.


wine? whine and wine?


ice cream?

good luck. pulling for you.

Sugared Harpy

Seriously, Indian food? "Strange" spices, like what? Tumeric?

I trust you to know you best, period. But please do get what you need, you totally deserve it. I'm thinking of you!


Becs - I hate the crying at work. It's the worst ever.
wyo - Good to know. I'm curious to see if it's like other counseling.
Christy - Alcohol has no appeal for me when I'm sad. I'd just be sad and drunk. And there were some emotional lability issues earlier in my MS. But I'm pretty convinced it's Dead Mom Syndrome, since I thought about her all day and I'm pretty weepy.
Katie - And you're married to a doctor now, so you would know about the Inidan food.
Shania - Hah! No. Not really?
SueBob - I'm so sorry. A year is the timetable? Because I can't consider doing this for a year. How did you make it?
Heidi - Well, I don't know if anyone is going to be crossing my path for the next few weeks, anyway. Word spreads...
Becs - Lord, that's going to take even longer. But you are right.
Caroline - Yeah, it's just that I'm still not convinced TeddyJ wants to commit to me.
Candy - You must be exhausted! Hands down now.
#3 - No one knows what you are talking about.
Elsa - Thanks - I know there's an answer out there somewhere. It's just that I want it now. Before I go back to work.
Magpie - I think I picked a bad week to start a diet.
Sugared Harpy - Yep, I think it might be the Tumeric. I know I can't eat Tandoori chicken.

Big Dot

Really, just because you're American, doesn't mean you have to talk about how you feel to a stranger (apart from us here, of course, and we're not strangers). Your mother died, you're sad, that's what happens - I mean, it's natural, you just need to handle it your way and not feel obliged to follow some sort of programme. Me, I button it up and eat a lot of toast. Professional grief counsellor? Shudder.


Aw, I'm so sorry. When my grandmother (to whom I was very close) died last year, I was pretty dry eyed, and a deacon friend of my father's told me that I shouldn't be surprised if, two weeks, three months, or a year down the road I found myself crying for no reason. It's not a matter of repression, I don't think - or at least, not a sign that you're "doing it wrong," or that you'd get better quicker if you talked it out with someone...I think it's just what happens. There are lots of reasons to cry - missing her, feeling guilty if you're not missing her - you really can't win. It's lovely that we have such a hold on one another...but I'm so sorry you're sad.


Hey, I know what #3 means. Sit back down and read a good book. Then you can try flushing again.

And Teddy J loves you. You drank the Koolaid; you're one of us.


Big Dot - Yep, I'm not looking forward to it but it's the only way I can think of to fix this crying thing. Really, I just need to control it so I'm not crying at work. I'll be happy to cry anywhere else.
TasterSpoon - Thank you - but I can't just go on bursting into tears at work. I've got an apointment Tuesday. Maybe he'll ask really apinful questions and I'll get it all out for the week. Kind of like Colin and Thursdays.
Caroline - TeddyJ did feed me today.

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