Okay, Dots, big and small, raise your hands if you DID sit there smugly and say "she's repressing her feelings about her Mom's death."
That was when I said, "No, I'm crazy. I am not myself. I just said someone hurt my feelings. For two solid days. I'm not like that."
And then YOU said, "Hyper sensitivity and emotional lability are signs of repressed grief."
And then I said, "Fine, whatever. You Googled that."
And then Friend #3 said, "I told you so. I said, you need grief counseling. That's what I said at lunch."
And I was all, like, "Seriously, I know when I'm sad and when I'm depressed. I'm depressed. This makes no sense. Why am I always crying? This is crazy."
And then the Voice said "..."
The Voice said nothing, because for the last few weeks my thoughts are all under control; it's just my emotions that are on the edge.
And then all the little Dots said, "Who is this flaky cow, and what is she talking about? Scary."
So here's what happened. Friday I had the big meeting, and there were no tears. However, my boss asked me to sit in a conference room and have a chat. And talk about how I felt about things.
So, when I started crying (because that's evidently what I do now when I am at work) I launched into "I know I seem to be crying a lot lately, but I think it's all the stuff with my mother -- "
And then my bottom lip started bouncing and convulsing and I completely lost my shit. Tears were springing out of my eyes like I was in a Disney cartoon. You could look for my shit in the Lost and Found but you wouldn't find it. I was gone. Attention, Target Shoppers. We have some shit here, dressed in a green jumper, that appears to be lost.
My boss was quite nice, and in that problem-solving way that non-sobbing professionals have, she started talking about the Employee Assistance Plan and grief counseling. When I told Gary about how I was going to increase the anti-depressants AND go to counseling, Gary said, "You know we had Indian food for lunch. Maybe that's what did it."
"Yeah, all those strange spices. You don't know how that might have affected you."
So. more anti-depressants, grief counseling, no more Indian food. How do other people do this?