Remember when I said I didn't wanna up my meds? Well, since then I've cried at the dentist again, got my feelings hurt at work, and cried about that, and cried about that all day today including the forty minutes I spent in the bathroom while having lunch with Friend #3. My emotions are out of control. No further visits from the voice, but not a good way to live, regardless.
#3 (I call her #3 for short) gave me some fine Jewish wisdom along the lines of "Save yourself." So I went out to the car and made an appointment with the psyc- still can't say it - neuropsychiatrist. For the end of next month.
Regrettably, I was still crying at work. I anticipate this will continue the next six weeks. I did quite well through the four hours after lunch since I was on my own, but then the very nice young girl from the next cube over came by to ask me a favor.
Of course she saw my bleary eyes and asked what was wrong. "Oh," I LIED, USING THE HEINOUS LIE I HAD FASHIONED IN CASE ANYONE AT WORK NOTICED, "It's just all the Mom stuff catching up with me. You know my Mom died?"
And I know, you don't think that's a lie, but it is. And then the nice girl gave me a hug and I feel like a dog for lying. I hope I don't break down in my big meeting tomorrow morning with the person who hurt my feelings and have to play the Mom card. I don't lie often, because I am very bad at it.
(And if you are sitting there smugly saying, "she's repressing her feelings about her Mom's death," I say no, I'm crazy. I am not myself. I just said someone hurt my feelings. For two solid days. I'm not like that.)
I think this must be spreading across the Internet. Finslippy isn't herself either.
So, fun huh? Let's talk about rice some more.