Steak

Gary and I were at the grocery Saturday night, when I said, "I want to cook you something, like a roast or a steak." He just screamed like a girl at the idea of the roast. (I can only imagine all fights between his parents stemmed from food: too much for the freezer, how hard it is too make, because when I warn him I'll be making some he protests. When I make it he's happy.)

So, that's why I bought two porterhouse steaks and made them when he was walking the dog today. I had to do it then, since he invariably bursts into the kitchen screaming "Something is BURNING!" when I heat up the oven or stove. I didn't want to grill the steaks because it was perfect catch-a-cold weather, and I am still sleeping off a cold. I opened up "How to Cook Everything," my big yellow cookbook friend, compiled by a vegetarian, which still explains how to cook up cow muscles indoors.

I wanted a second opinion, went to the internet, and found a fine explanation on Everything.com.

An excerpt:
"A properly cut, aged, and prepared porterhouse, IMNSHO, is the best steak. PERIOD. People whine and whimper, 'Oh, what about the filet mingon? Or the top sirloin?' These people are freaking idiots and should NOT, under ANY circumstances, be allowed near any proper steakhouse, BBQ, charcoal pit, or any other symbol (real or imagined) of elevated carnivorous behavior. A steak isn't a little sliver of beef wrapped in bacon and presented on a white plate with a sprig of some sort of pretentious green matter, as if you just happened to bring your pet rabbit along to eat a large, hoofed mammal with you. A steak, and your experiences enjoying it, should invoke memories of roasting animals over an open fire with your fellow hunters. IF THIS MEANS YOU AND YOU'VE TAKEN OFFENSE, STOP READING THIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW!! You do not have the qualifications to view the following, and your eyes will melt out of your skull if you proceed, leaving you with useless sockets of dessicated carbon."

I still went ahead and pan-broiled the steak like a wuss,  but I enjoyed the Everything.com explanation best. And it tasted fine, even without the open fire.

Comments

[Candy]

And I agree. Although I prefer club steak. Which is like porterhouse only whimpier.

[#0.5]

You can cook me steak ANYTIME... I promise complaint free!!!

[Sara]

HA HA HA HA HA

Priceless.

(Incidentally, I always fry mine because, um, I'm not exactly sure where the mice hang out in our stove, whether the broiler is a way-station or merely a landmark on the Great Mouse Highway otherwise known as our gas pipes, but that's another wussy gross-out tale for another day.)

[TheQueen]

Candy - And, perhaps, smaller. Maybe thats what I ate as a child. I cant see myself finishing off a Porterhouse at 10.
#0.5 - Well, you will someone a good non-complaining spouse someday.
Sara - I realized today the reason it didn't taste quite right is I didn't cover it in Accent. A key ingredient of steak.

[Friend #3]

We need to do that steakhouse (Pepper something?) again. Great drinks, great meat (and the steak wasn't bad either) and an overly solicitious maitre d'.

[TheQueen]

Friend #3 - Oh, you were drunk. You don't remember.