I remember the morning I woke up with a double chin. I was about 11, and overnight my chin poked out. And by the end of the week I became self-conscious about my chin. Chins.
It still worries me when I watch Katherine Heigl on Grey's Anatomy. My chin alarm goes off constantly.
Watch the chin! I think. Don't smile. Chin! Chin! Ah, no chin. CHIN! Stop talking!
In the past thirty-plus years, I have gone from the chin above, to the chin one can disguise only with great difficulty after taking thirty-plus photos for ones About page, to this:
...and currently, to this:
I seem to be carrying an inordinate amount of weight in my chin, as if all the water and fat in my face slid down below my ears and is making a semicircle of softness below my mouth. It's really out of control.
So, my plan is to follow Gary on the Six-Bite Diet, add fluids and exercise, and call it the Wattle Diet. My goal is to lose my Iguana Wattle, or at least shrink it down to Tree Frog Wattle size.
I'll succeed quickly, I think, because I retain a lot of water in the Wattle.
Some of you are thinking, how will she objectively judge weight loss in only the wattle? You can't see your own wattle, and if you do, it shrinks back into your body in fear. So my plan is to stand in the laundry room and have Gary trace the shadow of my profile on the wall. Then, every week, I'll stand there, line up my lips and nose, and Gary will trace my (hopefully smaller) wattle.
And if there is progress, I will let you know.