So, the cruise is over and life has returned to normal. For example, Monday I had a scone from Starbucks, went to work, checked my email, tendered my resignation, caught up with voice mail, researched circular function calls, went to Panera bread for lunch, etc. Wait? Did I tell you I researched circular function calls? That was exciting.
Oh, and resigning. That was exciting too.
(I accepted a new job the Friday before vacation, after I'd left work, so I had to keep this a secret all through vacation. You know how I am with secrets, if I keep one I have to spill another. I've been dying all week to tell you that on pajama night on the cruise, Gary vetoed my sexy silk PJs and robe because it was too revealing. So I changed into my big red flannel pajamas BUT I removed the panties he insisted I wear underneath, just so I wouldn't be dick-whipped. Whew. There. Okay, now we're cool.)
I've been at this company for 17.5 years, so resigning was a bit of a deal. I imagine people will want to know why, and I know employers want to believe what they want to believe, so I thought I'd make a list of reasons I'm leaving, then let my bosses fill in the blanks in my resignation letter.
Top Five Reasons I'm Leaving My Current Job and Going to Another One
5. I'm at the top of my pay scale at my current company. I haven't had a raise in five years. I'm in the middle at this new company. They talked about raises. They also talked about bonuses.
4. Perhaps I'm having a midlife crisis, but instead of dumping Gary I'm dumping my job.
3. If all my friends jumped off a bridge, would I do it too? Yes, I would. Friend #6 works at the new job. Friend #2 is leaving for the new company too, but going to a different office.
2. There's a recession coming, and I'm going to be in the same situation I was during the last recession: I'm the one with dual income and insurance and no kids, so my hours will be cut. As it should be. Or, better yet, I could do everyone a favor and work somewhere else.
1. Did you know Fortune Magazine thinks my new company is one of the top 5 best places to work in the US?
So, I start at the hot sexy new company in a few weeks. Hot sexy company that's half my age and has a tongue stud. Hot company with whom I shall have a meaningless relationship with no intimacy and no pain. Transitional Company, Inc., here I come.