Shooooooes

When I was taking Prof. B_______'s History of EducaZZZZzzzzzz-uhn class, the one interesting lecture he gave was on Appropriate Dress for A Woman Teaching High School.

"No dresses, they'll show your legs," he droned. "Nothing below your clavicle. No heels. No pantsuits."
"Oh come on!" we cried, "No pantsuits? Why?"
"Suits only accent a woman's femininity. Oh, and don't wear your hair up in a bun, either."

Then, I went to teach in the adult sector, and I got to wear suits with skirts and heels. That was fun the first ten years, then our dress code relaxed. Just to be companionable, my abdominal muscles relaxed as well. Then my feet said, "Hey, is there a party?" and we put on our Clarks with many festive socks.

Now that I am catering to the needs of my new job (TeddyJ), my dress has changed again. Evidently, TeddyJ likes me to wear pantsuits and stylin' shoes. The pantsuits were easy, but the stylin' shoes are a little more difficult. I can take them for half a day, but a full day in even semi-stylin' shoes make my feet hurt. I notice it most on the hike across the parking lot.

Mom suggested I wear comfy shoes in to work, change at my desk, then change back when I leave. I suppose Mom does not remember the Horrific Shoe Incident of '92.

The Horrific Shoe Incident of '92

During some of the years I worked in heels and suits for my old job (whom I like to call Elliot), I was stationed off-site at Ralston-Purina. R-P is located across the street from the projects. I had two parking options: hike two city blocks across the parking lot, or park by the projects right across the street. I always grabbed my dress shoes and just crossed the street from the hood.

One day, I was walking back to my car after work and I thought, "I don't remember leaving my window down," and then, "Huh. I don't remember leaving a brick on my front seat," and then, "AUUGH! Where are all my shoes!"

Because the one flaw in the comfy shoe / dress shoe switch scheme is that it assumes when you get home you take the dress shoes back inside to the closet with you. Or, OR, you can demonstrate efficiency and logic like a good programmer and leave them in the car, because you'd probably be wearing those shoes tomorrow, especially your one pair of black shoes. Or brown. Or red. Or navy. Or green. Or beige.  Or blue with tassels. Or strappy red ones. Then soon your entire shoe collection is in your car next door to the projects, and someone trades you a brick for all your shoes. All you have left are the strappy red ones that match only the shirt on your back.

When I explained the situation to my contact at Ralston, her response was to laugh heartily and ask "ALL your shoes were in the car?" The same laugh and question was echoed by the insurance guy and the police officer and the project manager at "Elliot."

I had to buy a pair of $20 black plastic shoes at Payless to wear while I built up my shoe wardrobe again. Perhaps there's a Mini-Cooper locking shoe storage accessory.

Comments

[Sherri]

I never thought there could be an advantage to my inheritance from my father of Uber Stinky Feet, but I would not ever consider leaving a pair of my shoes in my car. The toxicity would be deadly. My shoes must go back inside to be sprayed, wiped, and put in a cage.

Of course, that stank might now be considered a security device.

I know this much. Cats and dogs LOVE my shoes, especially if they are leather, and especially if I wear them without hose or socks. I mean LOVE, as in 'put the head all the way inside, roll around, lick the insole, have an orgasm' love. I usually feel weird about putting the shoes on again after one of the cats has had a little 'shoe love fest'.

[Candy]

Right now, as we speak, I have a duffle bag at my desk with three pairs of shoes in it, a pair under my desk, and a car full of the rest of my shoes.

I wasn't worried about any of that until 30 seconds ago. Bitch.

[sue]

I am a shoe failure. I have several pairs, but none of them get worn. I wear either a pair of white tennis shoes or a pair of clunky something-or-others (don't even know what they're called, they aren't clogs but something similar). I can't wear heels. Period. I have a few pair of dress shoes for the odd dress-up occasion, but they are all flats. If I wear a shoe with a heel I fall off of them. Seriously.

I feel for you. I don't know how "real women" do it... I really don't.

[TasterSpoon]

My shoes with heels accumulate under my desk. (Why carry them all the way to the car?? The car is where the sweaters live.) I only wear them when I step out of my office to make a run to the break room or the bathroom. I feel very Working Girl when I wear sneaks with a suit - like I'm Makin' It On My Own!

Did you know in Japan, it's the reverse. The office ladies wear the nice heels for the commute, and then comfy slippers in the office.

[Caroline]

I'm laughing right now. I didn't read this before I emailed you, I swear.

I'm pretty sure Teddy J's doesn't have a huge parking lot crime problem, though.

[Becs]

Many, many, many years ago, I walked to work and back - a three mile round trip - and all day in 3" heels.

Now I can't even put my feet into a pair of 2 1/2" heels without crying.

I think I've earned the right to wear ugly, comfortable shoes.

[Katie]

Hrm, never got that lecture. I also never got the, teaching teenage girls will make you want to jab your eyes out daily.

We have to wear panty hose from October to March if we wear skirts, so I only wear skirts in months outside of that range. Has nothing to do with modesty and everything to do with the fact that hose make me look like a mannequin and not in the small-waist, big-bust proportions kind of way.

And Mudd makes really cute, really comfortable trendy work shoes. If you live by a DSW (the best shoe store in the universe) they have a huge collection there.

[TheQueen]

Sherri - Your pets dry hump your shoes! That is hysterical.
Candy - I bitch because I love.
Sue - Mules? I love those. I just found some mules with heels. They hurt too.
TasterSpoon - It sounds like the Japanese value quantity over quality. Your boss sees you looking cankly, but you please the eye of 5000000 strangers.
Caroline - I'm waiting for one more shoe to drop, you know. Quit whispering!
Becs - Even for TeddyJ, though? Even for Luuuuv?
Katie - Hey! I bought my brown shoes at DSW, and I think I saw Carolines red patent leather heels there.

[Erin]

I haven't tried these myself, but this guy makes heels with Nike soles so they're all cushiony. I saw them on TV once.

http://www.colehaan.com/colehaan/catalog/category.jsp?categoryId=309502#page=1,viewAll=FALSE

As someone who's very particular about the shoes she owns, I think you shoe story is heartbreaking. I hope it was a nice brick.

[KC]

"and someone trades you a brick for all your shoes". My god, I love that line! You are so damn funny.

Many years ago, I lived just on the other side of those projects (in Lafayette Square). I had my car window broken out, too, but all they took were the coins in my ashtray. They left my dirty tennies in the floor along with the bags of fast food trash.

[Amy in StL]

All I can offer is buy more comfortable fancy shoes. Personally, I have a lot of cute shoes that make me cry if I have to wear them and there's not valet parking. But I have two pair of Etienne Aigner heels (one black one blue) that I can wear all day even if I'm on my feet.

Just do me a favor and if you work downtown, don't wear sneakers or flipflops into work with your skirt suits. I can't stand to see one more woman doing that. It physically pains me.

[TheQueen]

Erin - I kept the brick. I think it's still out in the garage.
KC - Yeah, we had some of Gary's medication in the glove compartment. They left it there.
Amy - Man, I would have bought some EAs, but all they had at my DSW were the classic maroon. I needed black / brown / blue.