How Many Calories in a Placebo?

So far the "placebo" has made me gain six pounds in two weeks. (Which makes sense. Sugar pill.) The real fear I have is that I will reach that horrible state in which I weigh more than my husband. I am beyond Spanx. I am enormous. And it doesn't really bother me, as long as I weigh less than Gary. Soon, though, he threatens to go on another Gary Diet of Fascism.

This diet was inspired by my introduction of Quisp to this house. I love Quisp. He ate some Quisp in a bowl and within hours was my Great-Aunt Carol who was 400 pounds because she snorfed down the Big Box of Cheerios as a snack in one sitting. Or vice versa.

Later that night, he said his neck hurt and blamed the Quisp. I didn't even question him. (Sometimes, just ... why?) The next day I emailed him and asked about his neck. His response:

"It is fine.  Too many carbs.  I am not used to so many carbs.  I have fallen off the carb wagon and I can't get up.  Did you know that there are 150 cals in one Lemon Girl Scout cookie and 40 cals in one Thin Mint cookie.  Did you know that there are 400 cals in one cup of white flour.  ONE CUP.   

I am switching over to an all paper-thin deli turkey/chicken and lettuce diet.  You can bring whatever food into the house that you want because I am off carbs.  As soon as I finish off the Thin Bread, I am off of bread.  In fact, I am off bread as of right now.  You can have the Thin Bread. I have been gaining weight because I have underestimated the number of calories in flour.  I have been eating a little bread, a couple of pretzels, a few noodles and small amount of gravy and dumplings.  Thinking that this diet had to be better then a diet of candy bars.  White flour has twice the number of calories in it then does white sugar.  I would have done better eating nothing but M&Ms.  Arghhhhh."

So, if the experimental drug adds three pounds a week, and if he loses three pounds a week, our weights will meet in one month. How many steaks per week do I have to bring into the house to delay the inevitable one year?

Comments

[Becs]

Check out this website: http://www.thedailyplate.com
It's a cool way to track what you eat, calories, CARBS, etc.

[Marriage-101]

I had a boyfriend that weighed less than me once. That didn't last long. I can't be with a guy that I can beat up just by sitting on him.

[sue]

That sounds suspiciously like a math question. I don't do math.

[~~Silk]

When I started gaining weight, I figured it wouldn't bother me as long as my bust still stuck out further than my belly. I revised that theory when I hit 38DD on a 4'10" frame and kept falling over.

Convince Gary that coffee is good for losing weight, then slip him Starbucks frappachino - 400 cal/bottle, and addictive.

[Amy in StL]

I think silk has a point! I was going to suggest making him a pork rind, butter and cheese casserole. It would probably taste fantasic and give you a larger lead!

[Sherri]

Gary is soo weird. Steadily weirder, as the days go on. Entertaining, but weird. I'm glad you married him, because if it had been me, one of us would be dead and the other incarcerated. I don't know which would be which.

As for weight loss -- the last two weeks I've been keeping a food diary and budgeting myself between 1400-1600 calories a day. I have to have a minimum of one piece of fruit and one serving of vegies in the day, too, and something with protein. Otherwise, I eat what I want. If I spend my calories on a candy bar, well, that's what I ate. If I want to eat an entire bag of peas, that's what I eat. I write it down and count my calories. If I splurge one day, ok, fine, but then I have to stay within budget for another 7 days. This is the deal I've made with myself. So far, it's the easiest, least stressful plan I've ever tried, and I think I can maintain it for a long while, at least until I reach my goal and can just worry about maintaining.

I also have to stay active -- nothing extreme, just have to keep moving. Housecleaning is good for that. Eventually I want to walk 1/2 hr a day but haven't made that goal yet. I hit the gym once a week because that's all I can stand.

I have 70 pounds to loose, minimum (100 pounds would be better). The skirt that was a little tight two weeks ago Sunday is now a little loose. The Husband took our bathroom scale with him to school, so I don't have a number. I'm using all the clothes I've been too fat to wear as a gauge. I'll letcha know how it goes.

[melati]

Gary is such a flithy liar. A cup of flour does NOT have 400 calories.

4 ounces of flour has 400 calories.

[Carrie]

All of this time I've been worried about all of the butter and sugar I put into my baked goods, when I should have been worried about the FLOUR. Gary has enlightened me. Thank you, Gary. I will now simply eat butter rolled in brown sugar as a dessert.

[ajooja]

I haven't had Quisp in years, but I loved that stuff. Brings back good memories.

[Autumn]

At least the placebo isn't made out of flour? Tell Gary he can just quit eating period and he'll lose weight...

[Katie]

Can I ask, out of curiosity, who on earth eats a cup of flour at at time? That makes my mouth feel sticky just thinking about it. Ick.

[Jammies]

Okay, if there are two cups of flour in 2 dozen cookies, maybe that's why there's a lot of calories in the flour and not so much in the individual cookies? Can you reason with Gary?

Oh, pardon me--silly, silly question. *dies laughing* Of course you can't.

Btw, Sherri, if you lose 100 pounds, there won't be nuffin' left of you, girl!

[judith]

Good God, Woman! How many of those pills are they feeding you? A scoop in the morning and one at lunch? It sure seems suspect that the pills, whether placebo or not, could be the culprit. Maybe it's what they do to you. Those dastardly pills! I'm just going off one perscription that has kept me plump(fat)for a (large)number of years. I can feel my body going, "ahhhh"!

[TheQueen]

Becs - I think Gary would feel that checking a website before he ate would suggest he was vain. Like having matching socks and shirt.
Marriage 101 - Exactly. Though beating Gary a little is tempting sometimes.
Sue - Caroline does math. I expected her to answer.
~Silk - "Frappucinos are good for you, hon, and there's mainly ice."
Amy in StL - I bet I could whip up a bacon-wrapped cheese stick hors'douvre. Dipped in Ranch dressing.
Sherri - Yes, he is weird, and I did marry him to protect the sanity of other women. I need to up my exercise, at least, I'm sure.
melati - Snort. I just told Gary. It's fun to listen to his voice get really high - ha. Hes out of the room now and he's still screaming "EIGHT hundred!" Thank you.
Carrie - Don't forget the CARAMELIZED BACON Catherine linked to recently.
ajooja - It was gone from stores for decades, but Dierbergs carries it now.
Autumn - Well, he's eating, but only slices of turkey and cheese.
Katie - I think Gary looks at a big muffin, ignores the butter, sugar and air bubbles, and assumes it was made from mostly flour.
Jammies - No, its all or nothing. Flour is evil!
Judith - And the sad thing is, you'd think going off a pill that causes weight gain would then cause weight loss. But no.

[Melissa]

Did Gary really write that email? Does he really sound like that? I can't imagine an email like that coming from my husband. Gary cracks me up.

[Caroline]

My math skills are on hiatus. I was making a recipe today for which I had half the required meat and half the required pasta, so I intended to make half the sauce. Until I realized that I put 2 pints of milk in it instead of 2 cups. So I had to make the full thing and then ditch half of it. Ah, the wasted nutmeg.... And it did call for four tablespoons of flour. Thank God I got to pour two of them down the drain when I was done!

And Melissa, I've seen enough of Gary's emails (shhhh!) to recognize it as his.

[TheQueen]

Melissa - Oh, it's a direct quote. Ask Caroline, she saw the original because I forwarded it to her immediately.
Caroline - Poured it down the sink? Wilma would scream "We S_______'S DON'T WASTE FOOD!"

[Hot Mom]

One cup of flour has how many calories? Who eats a whole cup of flour? And entire loaf is bread is made with 3 cups of it. If you slice the loaf into 24 slices, each slice has an eighth of a cup of flour in it, or 50 calories. It's all the eggs, sugar and lard in bread that make it really fattening.

[TheQueen]

Hot Mom - well, but a slice of bread is 80 calories, so Gary is half right.

[Fiercesnake]

Dear me, some of this website sounds like the greatest load of nonsense I've read on nutrition for a long time! Sounds like some people here need to apply common sense to their exercise and diet regime. Extreme nonsense about a few small placebo pills adding 1.4 kg of mass to the body a week appears false. Other factors are at play here. Stop worrying about carb intake % wise. Apply standard cardio exercise and strength training in a combined fitness-diet programme and use a NORMAL diet as recommended by qualified nutritionists. Too many excuses for sedentary lifestyles combined with too many processed foods high in salt, fat and sugar; often combined with smoking and excess alcohol and/or stress related concerns all add to obesity problems. Recommend regular varied exercise with a wide variety of wholegrain foods, such as rice, fruit, vegetables, milk etc. Stop dribbling on blog sites about why you can not lose weight, turn the computer off now and get out and go for a jog outside (if you can run; if not start with brisk walking). Good luck and get motivated!

[Caroline]

Wow, a scolding on a 2 year old post. Sweet!

[TheQueen]

Fiercesnake - "greatest load of nonsense" - yes
"Extreme nonsense" - yes
"Other factors are at play here" - yes
"combined with smoking" - no
"and excess alcohol" - sometimes
"and/or stress related concerns" - yes.
"Recommend regular varied exercise" - no
"...such as rice" - YES! I can cook rice.
"fruit, vegetables, milk" - yes yes yes
"Stop dribbling on blog sites" - no
"turn the computer off now and get out and go for a jog outside" - no
"(if you can run; if not start with brisk walking)." - very sensitive
"Good luck and get motivated!" - hmmmno.

Caroline - he / she did have some good points.