Peestipated

Did you hear? December is National Hospital Visiting Month! DeNaHoMo '07! Who's with me?

Today I again was back at Big Barnes - recommended by one in seven Republican presidential candidates. I was there for my final visit before being dosed with either the drug or placebo. (So close I can taste its sugary goodness.)

I told the Trial Supervisor emphatically that I needed to be back at work soon, not after four hours, soon. She whipped me right through my blood work, pulse, mental challenge test, and the popular pegs-in-holes test. "Okay!" she chirped, "We just need a urine sample and you can go!"

"You can go." Ha. No. It would appear this was a problem.

"No luck?" she asked when I came out with my empty cup. "Here, have some water." I downed four cups of water. I said I'd give it another "go."

Forty-five minutes later ...

...still there, on the commode, running my hand under warm water, thinking of the ocean, tapping my foot (no doubt in some secret sex code), moving the cup away, moving it back, thinking of baseball, NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. I was severely peestipated.

In the course of that forty five minutes I drank a scant gallon of water. Finally I emerged again. The nurses started to mock me. Still, I was the center of attention! I jumped up and down hard, and got a laugh, then I pushed on my belly for another laugh - and it worked! I got the urge. I ran back in the bathroom and nabbed a half cup.

Of course, since then I could have drowned the entire staff in what's come out. My pee is not only clear, it smells like a field of flowers after a thunderstorm. You could bottle this stuff.

Comments

[Zayrina]

You can't just drink water and then expect pee to immediately come out. The stuff has to be processed you know. There are proper channels. Next time, drink some tea about 15 minutes before you have to go in. I could squirt pee out my ears after a good glass of tea, it's a natural diuretic. Actually, I never worry about this, because I am a real pee on demand kind of girl.

[~~Silk]

I understand arousal closes the bladder sphincter. Perhaps you were too interested in the peg-in-hole test?

[Becs]

Peestipated is a horrible, horrible feeling - when you have to go, but can't. This usually comes along with my best friend, the UTI, but it happened once when I was traveling w/ Xman who constantly mocked my needing to stop at every rest stop. When we finally got to one, I couldn't go. Agony!

Anyway, so glad to hear the bladder is doing what is sposed to do.

[Caroline]

Do you think Rudy gets peestipated? He's had to deal with a lot of stress.

[sue]

Now I feel awful. I've been over on my blog whining and you've been going through all this shit. Sorry I've been absent. Glad things went well and, yeah, I can NEVER pee on demand. Ever. It is really embarrassing.

Hope you have a good Christmas (despite the whole diet thing)~~ I'll try to get by more often. :)

[Suebob]

Peestipated is my new favorite word.

I have had this problem so often and with such severity that I now have a big complex about it. I start worrying days before I know I have to give a sample.

There was the one time where I drank so much water before my visit to give a pre-employment drug test that I totally filled the cup...and then spilled it all over my pants and shoes, then had to go back to work. Nice.

[Candy]

Wow. I can practically pee on command. Next time you're in a tight spot, give me a buzz.

[TasterSpoon]

45 minutes!!

The Tour de California is coming through my town next year, and I signed up on the volunteer list, for the job where you escort cyclists from the finish line through to collecting their pee in a cup so they can't sneak in some borrowed pee. I look forward to taunting them with accusations of being peestipated.

[Friend #3]

Since Rudy had prostate cancer, I'm willing to bet he was peestipated at one time. 9-11!

[Katie]

bwahahahaha. Consider my eyes plucked.

I've never had peestipation, though I feel for you. There's something so unpleasant about everyone knowing that you're in the bathroom providing a specimen, I can only imagine what it's like when you don't have a UTI and thus don't have to pee every 15 seconds.

[Catherine]

DeNaHoMo? Hee. I would think it would be NaHoViMo.

[TheQueen]

Zayrina - Well, I did have a coffee 20 minutes in. Oh, and watch you lord your bladder control over me. I bet you can write your name in the snow!
~~Silk - Would that it were true, but no.
Caroline - Rudy has a "growing" problem, not a "going" problem.
Becs - And, as a plus, I'm not pregnant, which was what this test was for. You know bladder infections lead to pregnancy.
sue - I was at your blog, and I didn't notice much complaining. I'm thinking, "You call that complaining? Ha! And I bet you could pee circles around Zayrina."
Suebob - Oh, I've spilled, but only on my gold pants. It also occurred to me during the forty-five minutes that I would not actually die if I peed on my cup-holding hand.
Candy - Okay, you and Zayrina, out in the snow this minute. It's a Pee-Off! Or Piss-Off.
TasterSpoon - Wow - is there a lot of doping still? That's an eye-opener. Also, make sure you also mock the Zayrinas and Candys for being loose with their pee.
Friend #3 - 9-11! 9 am and 11 at night.
Katie - A UTI makes the peeing easier, but I tend to leave almost totally clear samples from all the water. Thus, the UTI goes undiagnosed.
Catherine - Well, technically "November is National Blog Posting Month" should be NoNaBloPoMo. But now I'm liking "Denahovimo" just as a word.