Well, one of the in-laws has been caught in a compromising position. In the act. Explicitly, the act of having sex. Not to put too fine a point on it, but, naked.
I feel for the Horny Naked In-Law, because this individual is of the younger generation. I want to say, "We've all been there," while Gary hums "Sunrise, Sunset" in the background. I want to say, "Someday you'll laugh about this."
I know this is true, because like many I have been caught in the act. Well, sort of. It wasn't what it looked like. I swear.
Gary and I were dating, and were were several months into it at least. It was the summer I turned 21. We were in his apartment, making out, and we were at the point in the relationship that Gary had conquered the Northern Hemisphere. I believe I had helpfully removed my shirt and bra to help facilitate matters. God forbid his hands tried to sneak below the high waist of my Zena Jeans, though. But hey, upstairs the party was on.
So there we were, making out in his bed and we both heard a key turn in the front door lock.
"Hi, Gary," his sister Karen sang out.
Gary was fully clothed at the time anyway, so he vaulted out of bed and tossed the coverlet over me before he hit the ground. In one step he was out of the bedroom. So he wouldn't arouse suspicion, he casually pulled the bedroom door only partially shut.
"Hi, Karen! What brings you here?" he asked loudly.
She answered, "I was out walking the new puppy and I thought he looked thirsty. I remembered I had your key from when I played tennis on the courts here -- Coco! No! Bad puppy!"
Coco had burst through the bedroom door, followed soon after by Karen, and I might have escaped attention but the damn puppy went right under the bed. Suddenly I was busted. Karen reeled back at a 45 degree angle when she saw me sticking out from under the coverlet. If not for the industrial-strength stick up her ass, her spine would have snapped in half.
By the time I choked out "Hi, Karen," she had wrangled the puppy and was apologizing her way out of the apartment. I heard Gary say, "Bye..Karen?" but I didn't catch anything but the shock waves of horror she left behind.
Gary poked his head back in the bedroom just as I realized that the situation was even worse than I thought. I thought I was fully under the covers, but my bare shoulders and arms were exposed. The coverlet was over my breasts and my virtuous unzipped jeans, but my bare feet stuck out. So naked shoulders, naked feet, I'm looking pretty naked. I pulled the coverlet over my head.
Gary tried to soothe me with, "You know, someday, we'll look back on this and laugh. Except for Karen. She won't ever think this is funny."
Well, it took almost a quarter of a century but I can see the humor now. So, this will be my Christmas present to myself: I'll find Karen and see if she thinks it is funny yet.
Um...I'm betting she doesn't. But still. Most of us have been caught in similar situations. Maybe Karen really does need to get a stickectomy.
Posted by: Becs | December 22, 2007 at 05:39 AM
She won't find it funny. She'll probably hate you for reminding her. Go for it.
Posted by: Caroline | December 22, 2007 at 08:55 AM
See if you can't make a note of the hex code for the color of Karen's 25-year-old embarrassment.
Posted by: Friend #3 | December 22, 2007 at 09:38 AM
Becs - I think she'd have one reaction in front of her relatives and another if we were alone. I'll have to see.
Caroline - Hm. I'll have to follow Gary's lead on this.
Friend #3 - I think denial would overwhelm any embarrassment. I expect to hear "What are you talking about? Coco? We never had a dog named Coco."
Posted by: TheQueen | December 23, 2007 at 12:52 AM
Hey. Did Karen ever laugh at this? Has she made diamonds from that titanium rod yet?
Posted by: Hot Mom | February 11, 2011 at 10:28 PM
Hot Mom - she denied it ever happened. No recall.
Posted by: TheQueen | February 12, 2011 at 05:21 PM