I had heard the acoustics at the Pageant are great. This is true. You can hear every syllable slurred by the drunks behind you. Who comes to a concert to talk? Evidently, twenty-one year olds with parents happy to drop them off at the
mall concert just for a respite from the "OH mah gawd's."
First it was a pair of amateur musician boys who bellowed over the opening act their plans to shop for an amp at Drum Headquarters. I thanked God too soon when they moved off to smoke; they were replaced with four girls who wanted to talk about who had which boyfriend. They found this more interesting than oh, say, Regina Spektor. I would have thought they'd never heard of her, except the blond one kept screaming "Saaaaaammmmsooon! Play Sasssssmmmmmmsssoooon!"
It didn't stop, even while Regina burped and yipped her distinctive way through the few songs they knew. They'd interrupt their chat-bellowing to sing out phrases. "So, I know Jerry is in the same class as Brian (SO SWEET AND JUICY!) still he's so like not mature."
I kept asking Gary if he wanted to move. He'd say no, it's okay, just ignore them, then suddenly during "Apres Moi" Gary whirled around and snapped at them. He literally snapped his fingers in each of their faces while roaring, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Quiet Down! For Pete's sake!"
I thought Jesus, he's never snapped his fingers in my face. I was stunned. So were the drunk girls. For at least a verse. Then it began again. "Shit, if she doesn't sing Samson I'm gonna be so fucking pissed. Saaaaaaammmmmmssssooooonn! "
Eventually, of course, we moved, but not so far away we couldn't observe when:
1) The amateur musician boys stood behind the drunk girls and talked so much the drunk girls tried to shush them. Sweet, sweet comeuppance. The girls didn't do the awesome face-snap like Gary, though, so Music Boys never stopped talking at all.
2) "Samson" started while the blond girl was in the bathroom. Then she came out to catch the chorus and texted during the song. Texted. As in, "OMG IM HERE AND SHES SNGING SAMSON OMG," I assume. So, unless she's a touch typing texter she didn't see the finale.
Regina did actually hold our attention more than Drunk Girls and Music Boys. There was a great acoustic rendition of "The Hotel Song," unless you consider a microphone an instrument. I feel like I saw Dylan in concert. Or Joan Baez, drunk, that was Gary's comparison.