Hi. I'm Sarah.
I've been watching your husband naked in the shower.
I inspected the bottle of Lush Rehab shampoo you bought when some blogger (probably Jammies) convinced you to spend an absurd amount of money on hair care, then I put this sticker on it.
I have been fixing your husband with my playful gaze for some time. He has fallen under my spell. The other day when you bought the Philosophy skin care line because Sugared Harpy and Amalah recommended it (you sheep) Gary said "I think I'll get some shampoo too." He got some Sephora Margarita shampoo/body wash/gel stuff for $17. You didn't care because you use the Be Curly shampoo because Dana from Mamalogues® recommended it. Baaaaaa.
When Gary brought that into my shower and put it next to my empty bottle, I almost spoke to him. Instead, I just looked at him with a slightly more accusing "I know what you did, you naughty boy" gaze.
That is why he told you that things weren't working out with the $17 shampoo, and he wanted more of ME. Me me me! And then you went out and bought a Forty Dollar Bottle of Shampoo (Lush Rehab! Try it! It's Great!) because your husband is under my command.
Next I'm telling him to kill you. Just so you know.