Here's how the Cowboy Mouth concert began: the drummer/lead singer/front man/Reverend / Fred came out and demanded some rhythm. "GIVE ME SOME RHYTHM" he insisted, so we all clapped. "GET UP OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND COME DOWN HERE ON THE DANCE FLOOR" he commanded.
Friend #2/Hot Mom, as I said, is familiar with the band, so she was able to advise us: if Fred the drummer / frontman / etc. says to move to the dance floor, you move to the dance floor. At this point Friend #3 was sober, so we all assembled on the floor.
Fred moved through the audience and encouraged any still-sitting audience members to "GET OFF YOUR ASS." It was a high-energy show. I was quite happy to give Fred some rhythm. I was happy to "JUMP UP AND DOWN AND GO CRAZY" and to "ACT LIKE YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE."
I was happy to dance. I did not dance like the full-haired slim-hipped young women in front of us. They danced provocatively and tried to attract band attention. I danced to their new song, "I Love Your Belly" and I flashed my belly a number of times, even though Fred didn't scream at me to do it. I didn't dance like Friend #2, because she danced like someone who had had practice dancing. I did not dance like Friend #3, who danced like a 48 year old woman who had never been to a rock concert.
Until she got drunk, then she was just a body topped off with a twirling vortex of hair. Truly, Friend #3 danced like a mad woman, and made the rock horns, and made me feel much better about being a middle-aged woman at a rock concert. She represented well. She hung off the stage and beat the time between the footlights and dusted the floorboards with her thick hair like a Roomba.
When Fred screamed "JUMP UP AND DOWN! JUMP AS HIGH AS YOU CAN" she yelled "BITE ME FRED! I'M A 48 YEAR OLD WOMAN WEARING GEL INSERTS WITH PLANTAR FASCIITIS! YOU JUMP!"
When Fred screamed, "TURN TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU AND GIVE THEM A HUG" she hugged me and also told me she loved me. I was touched. I would have been more touched, but she had already hugged me and said she loved me after her first Long Island Iced Tea.
Cowboy Mouth needs to return to Saint Louis just so I can show them to Gary, my drummer. Then he'll want a microphone so he can sing and shout commands. "WHERE ARE MY GLASSES BRING ME MY GLASSES! HIGHER! JUMP HIGHER!"