A few weeks ago I told Gary that I was concerned that this was going to be a particularly bad Thanksgiving for the S__________s, because it's the first family gathering since the wedding/funeral in August. The holidays are stressful; then pair that with the in-laws preferred stress-buster: whirl on the person next to you and scream at them. (I am more subtle, I just distance myself from my friends/family. I don't actually yell at them.)
Gary agreed and astonished me by suggesting I hole up in the house with the dog and "watch his paw." I see why the dog had to be watched the first few days his paw was bandaged, but I think he's safe now. However, caring for a sick dog is probably the only excuse for missing Thanksgiving at the in-laws. "Oh, sorry, can't make Thanksgiving, I've been invited to the Vatican's Thanksgiving." Unacceptable. "But the dog might chew on his paw! And he just lost a toenail!" "Oh my God. Why are you here? Go, be with the dog. Do you want me to make you a plate?"
(You may wonder, why isn't Mac the dog invited to Thanksgiving? Because the in-laws new dog Tinkerbell is a biter. She's bitten Mac three times now, the whore.)
Of course, this means I can take the dog to Mom's and have Thanksgiving there. This is unprecedented. Wilma does so much for Thanksgiving I'm surprised there isn't a Thanksgiving Black Hole at her house that sucks strangers through her patio door. Whereas Mom (even when she was well) celebrated Thanksgiving by cooking a Turkey and putting it on the counter. During the day family members would come by and pick off their favorite parts. I usually nabbed the skin; by the time others floated through the kitchen there'd be a flayed turkey.
So, Bizarro Thanksgiving:
Locale: At Mom's, not the in-laws
Attendees: two quiet people, not nine loud people
Food: Mom says she's been craving an egg. I bought a pork dinner thinking it was a turkey dinner. I'm still making "Ellen's Special Green Bean Casserole," but have you seen? The recipe on the can now calls for Cheddar French Fried Onions. I'm doing it. I'll let you know. (See Me? See me taking the risks for you? I'm such a guinea pig.)
I think the two of us should go around the table and say what we aren't Thankful for.