A few weeks ago I told Gary that I was concerned that this was going to be a particularly bad Thanksgiving for the S__________s, because it's the first family gathering since the wedding/funeral in August. The holidays are stressful; then pair that with the in-laws preferred stress-buster: whirl on the person next to you and scream at them. (I am more subtle, I just distance myself from my friends/family. I don't actually yell at them.)
Gary agreed and astonished me by suggesting I hole up in the house with the dog and "watch his paw." I see why the dog had to be watched the first few days his paw was bandaged, but I think he's safe now. However, caring for a sick dog is probably the only excuse for missing Thanksgiving at the in-laws. "Oh, sorry, can't make Thanksgiving, I've been invited to the Vatican's Thanksgiving." Unacceptable. "But the dog might chew on his paw! And he just lost a toenail!" "Oh my God. Why are you here? Go, be with the dog. Do you want me to make you a plate?"
(You may wonder, why isn't Mac the dog invited to Thanksgiving? Because the in-laws new dog Tinkerbell is a biter. She's bitten Mac three times now, the whore.)
Of course, this means I can take the dog to Mom's and have Thanksgiving there. This is unprecedented. Wilma does so much for Thanksgiving I'm surprised there isn't a Thanksgiving Black Hole at her house that sucks strangers through her patio door. Whereas Mom (even when she was well) celebrated Thanksgiving by cooking a Turkey and putting it on the counter. During the day family members would come by and pick off their favorite parts. I usually nabbed the skin; by the time others floated through the kitchen there'd be a flayed turkey.
So, Bizarro Thanksgiving:
Locale: At Mom's, not the in-laws
Attendees: two quiet people, not nine loud people
Food: Mom says she's been craving an egg. I bought a pork dinner thinking it was a turkey dinner. I'm still making "Ellen's Special Green Bean Casserole," but have you seen? The recipe on the can now calls for Cheddar French Fried Onions. I'm doing it. I'll let you know. (See Me? See me taking the risks for you? I'm such a guinea pig.)
I think the two of us should go around the table and say what we aren't Thankful for.
Clearly, you need to get out and find some turkey eggs, stat! That way, everyone's happy.
Cheddar French Fried Onions on green-bean casserole sounds like vegetable side-dish equivalent of angels singing. Please report back.
Posted by: Tracy27 | November 22, 2007 at 12:16 AM
Happy Turkey Day, my dear!
Posted by: Jammies | November 22, 2007 at 06:29 AM
Happy T-day to you, Queen Mum, Gary, and the pups.
Posted by: Becs | November 22, 2007 at 07:16 AM
I have no (close) family anymore, and sometimes that is upsetting at the holiday season. But then I read about other's encounters with family during this time and I realize I am lucky in some ways. Thanks for cheering me up and helping me to be very thankful.
Posted by: Zayrina | November 22, 2007 at 09:34 AM
I'm not thankful for offsite projects. Miss you! Happy Thanksgiving!
Posted by: | November 22, 2007 at 07:53 PM
Why didn't it remember my freaking name? Gah.
Posted by: Caroline | November 22, 2007 at 07:54 PM
I can safely say 2003 remains my all-time Bizzaro Turkey Day. It definitely put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
Posted by: Friend #3 | November 22, 2007 at 09:09 PM
Here's hoping it was as 'fun' as you wanted.
Posted by: sue | November 23, 2007 at 09:58 AM
Ummm my cousin Beverly makes the BEST cheesy green bean casserole. Who knew all it took was those cheddar french fried onions and a can of cheese soup instead of cream of mushroom? I love that stuff!
Posted by: Autumn | November 23, 2007 at 12:39 PM
Tracy27 and Autumn - According to reports, Wilma was seen stomping around the kitchen during the meal. When asked what was wrong she muttered something about how certain people can throw four things in a casserole and everybody thinks its the best thing on the table. (And cheese soup sounds like a winner too.)
Jammies - Thank You!
Becs - We all wish you the same.
Zayrina - Hurrah! You are ALONE! Embrace that!
Caroline - Yeah. By the way, I've only worked 4 hours this week. Gotta enter my time.
Friend #3 - Embrace that chaos!
Sue - It was fun. Not as fun as Friend #3s :
http://pitchererror.blogspot.com/2007/11/from-archives-thanksgiving-2003.html
Posted by: TheQueen | November 23, 2007 at 10:58 PM
I hope it was lovely. Mine transformed overnight from a big car trip to Los Angeles into staying home with my b/f and brother and trying to figure out whether I could get a turkey that would defrost in time.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | November 24, 2007 at 01:33 AM
TasterSpoon - Two small turkeys, defrosted in the tub?
Posted by: TheQueen | November 24, 2007 at 11:49 AM