Finally, finally my beloved Scooba is resurrected. It is Risen! And the angels sing.
(An aside: Scooba The First died when I was still waxing the nethers, so it was a while ago. Scooba the Second died the same way. (Wait - that suggested I was Scooba-ing the nethers. Its just last year was divided ito the pre-Brazillian epoch and the Modern Era.) That's when I Googled and found that the older Scoobas need a firmware update so they don't make their batteries self-destruct. This aside is for those who got here by Googling "My Scooba won't run." Call iRobot and get the OSMO update device.)
But Scooba is back, Right now the Risen Scooba is licking dog urine off the floor. I've done all I can with the wet mop. but Gary just can't shake the feeling that no matter how much you mop the floor, you just dilute the dog urine. Granted, it may be one part pee to five thousand parts water, but it's still there unless Scooba sucks it up.
During the weeks I waited for the OSMO device Gary tried to put on a brave face. "I like the way the floor looks with the pee film on it."
"Stop it. I'm trying to get this thingee from the Scooba people."
"No, it's like the floor has a golden glow. Like it's been distressed."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
"Hey! We could have the dog eat oranges, then his pee would be orange-scented! Like Orange Glo, but with ammonia!"
So. Puppy Glo. Look for it in stores near you.
(And if you are grossed out that we've been walking on pee-filmy floors for two weeks, know that I could buy these Kinoki Foot Pads and they will leech out the toxins in my body through the soles of my feet.)
Why is your dog not housebroken?
I think you need to call Caesar.
Posted by: Zayrina | October 17, 2007 at 11:13 PM
Yup, Caeser can fix any dog. Well, he fixes the people and then the dog can stop being neurotic. Maybe he can leash train Gary.
Does Gary occasionally go twitchy when he realizes that pretty much anywhere he goes in the world, some creature at some time has peed or pooped on that piece of earth? It's never REALLY gone.
Posted by: Sherri | October 18, 2007 at 08:28 AM
Oo! Oo! Most Evil Thought!
Water stays water (unless it gets its molecules taken apart, which doesn't happen a lot) and all water cycles from sea to sky to ground to sea, so in a very real sense all water has at one time or another throughout the history of the earth been pee! And then it goes around the cycle, you drink it, and it's pee again!
Very Circle of Life.
Posted by: Sherri | October 18, 2007 at 08:31 AM
Just don't get out the black light. I SAID NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: sue | October 18, 2007 at 09:00 AM
Dog pee can whiten and brighten a waxed kitchen floor:
http://nightquilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/excuse-me-but-did-you-see-couple-of.html
Posted by: TasterSpoon | October 18, 2007 at 03:19 PM
Diaper his ass. Very simple. And very satisfying to see a willful, spiteful dog now bearing the indignity of a diaper with Carebears on it, keeping the pee in check.
Posted by: Friend #3 | October 18, 2007 at 06:12 PM
Zayrina - Oh, he's pretty housebroken for me, in that if he wants to pee he leaves the room and heads for the back door, If I follow him, he waits, if I ginore him, he pees. Gary routinely randomly gave Mac his "Pee Treats" even when the dog hadnt peed or even thought about it.
Sherri - Don't Comment While Stoned! Wait - no, do.
sue - Oh, I threw away the black light after the first time I used it.
TasterSpoon - I should explain that to the S_____s - they have a waxed white kitchen floor.
Friend #3 - Gary says "No! That would traumatize the dog!"
Posted by: TheQueen | October 18, 2007 at 10:32 PM
Highness, I should tell you -- I don't get stoned (most things that provide that kind of fun also provide vomiting and migraines -- not worth it).
I'm like that all the time. You can ask Jammies.
A L L T H E T I M E . . .
Posted by: Sherri | October 19, 2007 at 11:05 AM
I just ordered a Roomba, and when I ordered it, the site said, "In stock!" and then they sent me an email that said, "PSYCHE! It is on back order! you will get it approximately NEVER, or whenever we feel like it!" Those iRobot iAssholes.
Posted by: styro | October 19, 2007 at 02:05 PM
I live in a small 3 bedroom ranch that has all hardwood floors except the dining room where they decided to install carpet. At times, when I am in lazy mode and can't be arsed to us a swiffer down the hall I get dog-hair tumbleweeds going. Anyone had any experience with a lot of dog hair and a Roomba? Would it help to leave the thing wander while I am at work? Do they get stuck a lot? Do they clog?
Posted by: Zayrina | October 19, 2007 at 03:26 PM
LOL - I'm sorry, what were you saying? I couldn't get past the words in italics. AH!
Posted by: Marriage-101 | October 19, 2007 at 05:47 PM
Rhoombas (ours is named Max and we got it at Target approximately 10 minutes after our hardwood floors were installed) works just fine on dog hair (we had a large dog and 6 cats when we got it). It's hell on electrical cords, though, and it can be very stubborn about eating them.
I need to get new bits for ours, but, as Styro has stated, iRobot is not exactly what I'd call 'user interested'. (I believe there is a part of their website that says "we already GOT your $200 so go fuck yourself with the $35 shit). So I'm sort of dreading it. Or I'm just going to guilt The Husband into making the order because, damn, if I have to haul out the incredibly expensive and well-nigh indestructible Kirby (that killed our previous vacuum just by sharing a piece of carpet with it -- no kidding, vacuumacide in a suck-off the salesmen staged. Was amazing and completely not porn) then he will have to move the couch, and he doesn't like moving the couch.
Other than that, Max is pretty cool.
Posted by: Sherri | October 19, 2007 at 09:46 PM
Sherri - O K A Y! Aren't the colors pretty? I say this as if Ive ever been even within ten feet of pot.
styro - Yeah, they didn't send the OSMO after I requested it until I prodded them on the phone. But, Ive had some good service people too.
Zayrina - Mac doesnt shed, but I know there was a Pet-hair specific Roomba for a while. I think the only issue is the hair would wrap around the front wheel eventually. There is the Dirt Dog Roomba for shops, but I thing the new Series 500 might have pet hair support. Also, see the response to Sherri below.
Marriage-101 - When I need to determine when something happened in the past decade, I think "What did I weigh?" If it's in the past year I think "What did my crotch look like?"
Sherri - I do like mine but not enough to name him or sew him a Halloween costume. Still, I talk to both of them. You know how they made the sad sound (not "boo-beep-beep-boo" but the squwauky grunt?) I come running, "Rooomba, baby, what's wrong? Oh, iz you stucks? Ooo we will help yous." You really can't leave them on their own.
Posted by: TheQueen | October 20, 2007 at 10:31 AM