Assorted quatrains from the prophet Garydamus:
And lo, the wife shall build
A great and mighty shelving unit
And it shall not stand
Or stand it shall until the heavy bottles be placed upon it
And she shall not be placated after the collapse.
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Beware of the water sprinkler
Such as it is, buried into the earth
If the wife does not call and have the minions of the sprinkler cease the flow
There shall be freezing of the water
And bursting of the sprinkler system
And the contamination of the earth under the ground
And the ruination of the grass until the end of days
And the elevation of the water bill
And the Great Flood of the basement
And the destruction of all the stuff
Even unto the wedding dress
And the wife she will not be placated after such destruction
And hot tears shall fall.
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At the end of the days
In the Year Of Our Lord 2020
When the Great One shall cease his labors
There shall be poverty
And the eating of cat food
And the wife will not be consoled.
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I am writing down the words of the Prophet, because I am tired of hearing, "No, I never said [assorted disasters] will happen. Ever! All I ever said were completely positive and encouraging words of support!" Yeah. I bet Mrs. Nostradamus felt the same.
Please please PLEASE make the prophet dress up as Garydamus for Halloween this year, complete with long beard.
That is all.
Posted by: Catherine | October 24, 2007 at 08:51 AM
You are such a good role model. Wish I'd thought of doing that years ago...
btw, Mrs. Notredamus? Cracked me up.
Posted by: sue | October 24, 2007 at 09:20 AM
Holy shit, this is awesome. I wish your blog had a "favorite" button like Flickr.
Posted by: styro | October 24, 2007 at 02:13 PM
Catherine - Do you not remember the horrors of Gary's beard? I don't want him to even consider re-bearding even in jest.
Sue - I think it's because we dont have access to tape recorders anymore. Remember when the threat was "I'm going to tape you saying that so you can hear how you sound?"
Styro - I have noticed the correlation between my emotional PAIN and others enjoyment. Sigh.
Posted by: TheQueen | October 24, 2007 at 10:18 PM
I think you should start calling him Garydamus all the time, btw.
Posted by: styro | October 25, 2007 at 08:39 AM
styro - I should. By the way, Garydamus predicts I will go blind as a result of this clinical trial. He would have written a quatrain, but he has the flu, poor baby.
Posted by: TheQueen | October 25, 2007 at 09:05 PM