Gary's Check Engine light is toying with his emotions, so I picked him up today. First, though, I knew I would have to visit the bathroom, so he came down to let me in the lobby before we left. He said "I'll wait right out here, in the hall."
While I sat in the bathroom I was surprised to hear Gary in the men's room on the other side of the wall. First, I heard him knocking a rhythm on the wall. I almost knocked back, but I thought, "Well, Gary might still be in the hall and I don't want to send any secret codes in the bathroom, because I might find myself in a homosexual tryst."
Then I heard more Gary-specific noise. I thought, "That drum roll sound is just like the sound that the toilet paper roll makes when Gary grabs the strip and then flings his arm out so 100 feet of paper reels off which he then wraps around his hand 1000 times. I would imagine. If I'd ever seen it. Which I haven't."
Then I heard that drum roll sound change to a drum roll / paradiddle / fast rock beat. I grabbed my phone and called Gary. (Yes. Before I stood up. I'm lowering my standards. I peed in the shower last week too. There's a first time for everything. Shut up. Do you want to hear the rest of this story or not? )
"Gary," I whispered, because I have a little shame, "Are you in the bathroom?"
"Yes. Are you in the hall?"
"No. I'm in the bathroom ... I can hear you."
"No way." (Pause) "I'm just urinating. You can't hear that."
I let that go. "No, you're drumming!"
"Ha! Yes, there's a shelf here over the urinal and I was drumming on it."
I was thinking later that night as we shuttled the Check Engine car to the dealer that it was great that I could recognize my husband's distinctive bathroom sounds and drum riffs. Then I was struck by the question that has already crossed your minds.
"Gary. How did you drum with both hands and urinate at the same time?"
"Well, I don't have to hang on to it all the time."
I WAS STAGGERED. What a man! What control! It can even shake itself!
He saw the awe on my face and clarified that really, while he's waiting to start he doesn't need to hang on (not going anywhere), but if he's started he stops drumming and latches on.
Still, it was pretty impressive for a moment.
What are you saying, that he just drops it down into the water? He really is a man!
Posted by: Candy | October 05, 2007 at 08:49 AM
You know someone at work makes fun of him for the drumming. Someone in women's room has heard it a few times and started hanging out in the hall to see who comes out of the men's room. It's spreading through the rumor mill RIGHT NOW.
Posted by: Caroline | October 05, 2007 at 09:31 AM
No, really...the thought did NOT cross my mind. But now it is there. Blatently, boldly, THERE. Thanks.
Posted by: sue | October 05, 2007 at 09:37 AM
As a drummer, and a man, and a husband, I think this is just about the coolest story I've read in years. I'm telling my wife as soon as I get home. :)
Posted by: ajooja | October 05, 2007 at 07:55 PM
Knowing this surely won't make things awkward at the next tea.
Posted by: Friend #3 | October 05, 2007 at 08:06 PM
Candy - Hey, why do you think I keep getting bladder infections?
Caroline - This could be, except I imagine Gary's already been rumored to have done worse.
Sue - Hey! Stop thinking about my man that way!
ajooja - Is this a universal habit? Do female drummers play bongos on their thighs? I wonder if Gary has to be alone to do this.
Friend #3 - Yeah, because this is the more intimate thing I've revealed about Gary.
Posted by: TheQueen | October 06, 2007 at 12:09 AM