I met the newest addition to the in-law family this evening. She's a little dachshund named Tinkerbell. Given that my in-laws are 82 and 78, I made a special effort to bond with what will be my dog someday.
Tink, like all S_______ dogs, is a refugee from a dog shelter. Good for them, I say, but it means that the owners have to imagine the dog's history. That's why all the in-law's dogs are said to have been abused, neglected, and abandoned.
However, they got a little extra information about Tink. She was found in an abandoned apartment with three other dogs, including one Rottweiler. The shelter said a retired couple would be perfect owners for Tinkerbell, because she needed extra attention. She was a sad puppy since she was being separated from this Rottweiler with whom she had formed a special bond. "As if Tinkerbell thought this dog was her substitute mother," they cooed. The S_______ decided this was a sign from God, they were destined to have this poor abandoned puppy, and they sent her off to be spayed.
The operation revealed these shocking details:
- Tinkerbell? Pregnant! At only 14 in dog years.
- The babies? Half dachshund, half ... Rottweiler!
- The Rottweiler? Evidently not a mother/daughter bond! Freaky!
"So ... " I wondered when Gary told me that his parents new dog was into Kinky Incestuous Inter-breed Underage S & M / Punishment Sex with Older Bigger Transvestite Rottweilers, "What happened to the Rott-shund puppies?"
"Oh, well they gave Tinkerbell a Cesarean Section, and ... you know ... got rid of the puppies. They would have hurt her if they'd grown to full size."
So, my Catholic in-laws are now proud parents of a puppy who got an abortion, possibly a partial-birth abortion to save the life of the mother because she likes her men big. I think she IS a gift from God.
My god that little dog would surely have exploded had the pregnancy gone to term.
At least she chose another German dog.
Posted by: Zayrina | October 21, 2007 at 11:46 PM
Oh the irony. Its almost too early in the morning for that much irony.
Posted by: Jenny | October 22, 2007 at 08:59 AM
Oh my....
Posted by: sue | October 22, 2007 at 10:25 AM
That's fabulous. I think Tink should be a poster-dog and start campaigning. Or we could send her to live with Dubya for a while.
Posted by: Candy | October 22, 2007 at 11:17 AM
OMG, that may be the funniest blog post I've read today.
Posted by: Amy in StL | October 22, 2007 at 02:07 PM
Zayrina - True! Hopefully it wasn't a Lutheran.
Jenny - Yep, it's like ray-ay-ayn on your wedding day.
sue - I know...
Candy - Yeah, and she could sniff Barney's ass till he couldn't take it anymore.
Amy - You know how competitive I am. Woohoo! I win!
Posted by: TheQueen | October 22, 2007 at 11:33 PM
This made me chortle. Who knew Tinkerbell was a size queeen??
Posted by: styro | October 23, 2007 at 02:54 PM
Styro - Well, opposites must attract.
Posted by: TheQueen | October 23, 2007 at 10:06 PM
Ahahaha!
Oh, and I had a part dauschund dog when I was a kid. She was also very promiscuous and died because she liked her men big and her puppies were too big for her to give birth to.
Posted by: Marriage-101 | October 26, 2007 at 11:53 AM
Marriage-101 - Dachshunds are sluts!
Posted by: TheQueen | October 26, 2007 at 10:42 PM
That.Is.Hilarious.
Posted by: Autumn | July 17, 2008 at 12:51 PM
Autumn - seriously, it made my October.
Posted by: TheQueen | July 17, 2008 at 11:28 PM