Here's another myth. It is so satisfying to set the record straight. Again, I start with the facts, then tell you what the facts have twisted into after decades of re-tellings.
The Factual Basis for the Myth:
The first summer we were married, I made a menu or Gary's favorite foods. He always gets both turkey legs at his parent's Thanksgiving. Therefore, I cooked Gary a turkey leg. I cooked it a good three hours.
The Myth As Gary Tells It:
"Oh my God, when we were first married? Ellen served me a raw turkey leg! Raw! Blood was dripping out of it! Blood everywhere! Blood all over the walls! I tried to eat it, but I just couldn't. I stuck it in the microwave for ten minutes and it still wasn't done! Blood was dripping down my chin! I COULD HAVE DIED!"
More Factual Basis:
Okay, anyone who has roasted a fowl knows that sometimes the meat by the bone can be fully cooked yet retain a little pinkness. Plus, and this was the real issue, he encountered a vein. I have no proof, but I'm pretty sure Wilma goes through her turkeys and de-veins them. That way her delicate children can't tell they are eating an animal.
What the Future Holds:
I am sure in a few decades I will have pinned Gary to the ground and forced a live turkey's leg down his throat. Because I love.
Moral: Overcook everything the first few years of marriage. Or, be a vegetarian. Or, tie up your spouse and make him drink turkey blood so he can identify it.
I was 19 when I tried to duplicate a stew my mom made that was so wonderful. The problem was that I had no clue about seasoning so I didn't. Season it that is. Then boyfriend ate it all without complaint, tasteless glutch that it was. That's love.
Posted by: Zayrina | September 14, 2007 at 08:51 AM
Gary shouldn't be allowed to speak when you're out in public bc that makes me want to vomit. Seriously, don't let that man talk.
Posted by: Autumn | September 14, 2007 at 09:01 AM
I often wonder about my husband. I've been told I'm a pretty good cook, but even when I make a mistake (YES, even good cooks DO make mistakes) and something comes out horrid, he'll eat it. In his passive-agressive way, however, he'll often avoid choosing that meal again. Ever.
Posted by: sue | September 14, 2007 at 10:48 AM
Oh - didn't you tell him you were initiating him into The Ceremony of Innocence?
Is everybody in?
Posted by: Becs | September 14, 2007 at 06:42 PM
Zayrina - Even at 19 you were brave enough to cook without a recipe? Man!
Autumn - I laugh at sentences that begin with "Don't let him..." Like, what am I supposed to do? Beat him?
Sue - I think you should just change the recipe name and serve it up again.
Becs - I'm in! I have no idea what you are talking about, but I'm in.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 14, 2007 at 11:09 PM
OOOOoooo... I like how you think!
Posted by: sue | September 15, 2007 at 04:19 PM
From an old Doors song (I think it's The Lizard King):
Is everybody in?
Is everybody in?
The ceremony of innocence is about to begin.
And continues like a Baudelaire poem...only more menacing.
Posted by: Becs | September 15, 2007 at 07:55 PM
Sue - Or, you could just stop cooking, like I did.
Becs - this is the second Baudelaire reference this summer. What's up with everyone and the Baudelaire? God, I have so much research to do ... The Doors and Baudelaire.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 15, 2007 at 10:43 PM
No no no...just stuff his mouth full of uncooked turkey legs :)
Posted by: Autumn | September 17, 2007 at 11:18 AM
Autumn - He would overwhelm me with his superior strength.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 17, 2007 at 09:48 PM