Invisible Disability

When I was 11 or so, a friend asked, "What's wrong with your Mom's hand?"

"Nothing, " I said. Still, this crazy girl kept insisting something was wrong with Mom's hand. I guessed that maybe it was dirty? No. Eventually she said, frustrated, "It isn't the same as the other one."

"Oh, that!" I exclaimed, "Oh, that's just from when she had polio." And then we tried to cook instant pudding in my Easy-Bake Oven.

I suppose other people notice Mom's hand at some point. It is smaller than the other. The fingers are delicate, and her pinky is perpetually raised. I suppose it's like a plant that isn't getting enough nutrition from the roots, so it grows a little spindly and in unusual directions. I never really notice. I still don't notice; Mom frequently has to remind Gary and I that building shelves in the laundry room would be a lovely idea EXCEPT SHE CANNOT RAISE HER ARMS ABOVE HER WAIST IF YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, ELLEN. So, you know.

I think that's typical of kids with disabled parents.  A similar scene is documented in a fine book called Waist-High in the World (though I of course prefer the alternate title the author considered, Crotch-High in  the World). The author is in a wheelchair from progressive MS, and reports people generally don't look at her.  I can't give it a purely unbiased recommendation, because the copy I read had Mom's wry annotations.

I ate that book up. It isn't all about being in a wheelchair, though it mentions how those in wheelchairs are invisible. Oh, that reminds me, check out what happened today. We have a co-worker who uses a wheelchair: Mark. Today when she saw Mark in passing, Caroline gave him a cheery hello, which Mark didn't answer. "Mark," on closer inspection, was actually an office chair with a box perched on top of it.  Caroline foolishly told me about it. HAHAHHAHAHahahha. Heartless Cow.

In fact I brought Waist-High In the World out today to see her take on incontinence, since I received my MS baptism today. It seems a lifetime of Kegel exercises cannot hold their own against a bladder infection backed up up by a quart of water and a grande cappucino. Gary, of course thinks this is hysterical, and GROSS, and a good amount of I AM NOT CLEANING THAT UP! and much conspiratorial discussion with the dog about the INJUSTICE and how I should be put in the crate. Plus, when I turned my back to go to the bathroom for the fiftieth time tonight he brought up a "Hot Sexy Girl Pee" web site on my laptop.

And yeah, it's gross, but it isn't as funny as Caroline saying "Hi" to the box sitting in the office chair. I know that's what you're still laughing at.

Comments

[Becs]

My mom was disabled from a car accident (and it turned out to be the gift that kept on giving). She limped and had - she said - a huge scar on her face.

Honestly, I never saw the scar. I couldn't even remember which cheek it was on and more than once, she had to point it out to me.

I actually thought her limp, which was slight for most of her life, was kind of cute, like Southern belles walking pigeon toed to make their skirts sway.

Re: the baptism, should we all honor the occasion by sending you gicunda boxes of Depends from Costco?

[Caroline]

I didn't actually tell YOU. You overheard me 'fessing up to Mark, who was working miracles in the client database. I should probably pick a better time to admit my idiocies than when he's fixing problems at the speed of light so I can make daycare pickup, huh?

And by the way, YOU PEED ON YOURSELF!

Can I just say how glad I am it didn't happen during your laughing fit at dinner the night before?

[sue]

Interesting. We have much more in common than I originally thought.

[Tracy27]

It's interesting how we tend to stop noticing, or even remembering, the physical flaws of people we love.

My mom is missing a thumb (brother accidentally shut a door on it when she was a toddler), but she's spent a lifetime hiding it in her palm, so several of my childhood friends didn't realize it - every so often one would be at my house and suddenly blurt out, "Hey, what HAPPENED to your Mom's hand?" And I'd be all, "What?? Is she bleeding?"

My husband has a large, light-brown birthmark on his forehead, and he gets irritated when he thinks strangers are staring at him in public; I'm so oblivious that it takes me a while to remember why. I honestly forget it's there. When we're out with his wheelchair-bound brother (he has CP), the furtive gawkery really ramps up. It's almost amusing to watch, except when people are outright rude about staring. Whence the fascination? I just don't get it.

[Friend #3]

You have to wonder how many boxes in the world go around feeling invisible. *sniff* Thank God for people like Caroline who don't see nouns.

[TheQueen]

Becs - A new word! You and one other person on the web use "Gicunda." We just say big-ass here in the Midwest. And yes, I was expecting some Depends on my desk by the ehartless co-workers are also lazy.
Caroline - Oh, thanks for putting a fine point on it.
Sue - Hmmm. Intriguing.
Tracy27 - I was called out once in college for staring at a woman who had been severely burned. I'd never seem a burn victim, and I was trying to puzzle out what was up.
Friend #3 - Shoot. I was going to put a box in Caroline's chair at work today, but I forgot.