This, from our bedroom, as we cuddled and made small talk:
Gary: "So I saw this thing on HBO or something, when this guy said he 'did the alphabet' during cunnilingus."
Me: "Yeah. I've heard about that too. I wonder what would it feel like to be cunnilingled that way. Give me your elbow."
(I mouth the alphabet on Gary's elbow until I get bored and give it a big cow lick.)
Gary: "And that's the other thing, does anyone ever make it through all 28 letters of the alphabet?"
My internal monologue: Did he just say 28? Are you kidding me? 28? Rip on him for saying there are 28 letters of the alphabet! No! Wait! Give him a chance. See if he says '32' next time.
Ellen: (flatly) "Yeah. 28 letters. That's a lot of letters."
Internal monologue: Wait for it...wait for it...No! Move on! Keep talking about sex! You're losing him!
Gary: "Wait - how many letters are in the alphabet? Did I say 28? I meant 24."
So. No sex for me.