Thank you to all the neighbors in my community and all the communities along the horizon for the amazing pyrotechnical displays this evening.
Thank you for purchasing said fireworks at the entirely legal fireworks stands in our county OUTSIDE of Saint Louis.
Thanks to all of you for acquiring your pyrotechnical licenses this year, because while it is legal to buy fireworks here it is not legal to set them off unless you have a license. I'm sure you know that.
Thanks for waking me out of a deep sleep and then for ignoring the fact that I walked around for 90 minutes in my pajamas. Really, I told Gary I'd have to change, and he said:
"No, why would you want to change?"
And I answered, "Well, when I get nervous or shy, my voice gets really high." No, I didn't say that. What I said was:
"Uh, because I'm naked except for a Ships-n-Dip cruise t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with holes in the butt cheeks."
"Don't worry about it," he said.
"Really? You don't think it's indelicate and unladylike?"
"Just don't make the rock horns with the tongue."
Shirt and pants count as Not Naked. If you are "naked except for", then you aren't really naked (well, unless "except for" is a necklace or a smile or something like that. Even under my rules, that would count). So, yeah, you were fine (even if you had made "the sign", you wicked woman.)
This year, for the first time in I don't know how long, there were no fireworks after 10 pm. Nothing blew up in my backyard, and no one hit a transformer down the street due to a beer/stupidity/automobile interaction. Banner Year!
Posted by: Sherri | July 05, 2007 at 12:57 PM
Sherri - Oh, no, shirt and pants count very much as naked. See Appropriate ER Attire in:
Posted by: TheQueen | July 05, 2007 at 11:06 PM
Oh your royal highness is much abused! The last time I was admitted to the ER was during a miscarriage, and I was wearing a giant, ragged T-shirt and a sarong (underwear having become moot at that point). The Husband was so much more concerned about the copious amounts of blood leaking from my body that he just wrapped me in a sheet and towels (to save the car seats, actually, they did me no good) and drove.
For that matter, at the ER they threw my bloodsoaked sarong and T shirt away. I went home in TWO of those hospital gown things (both were teeny so it took two to keep my ass covered. I was outside wearing those things from door to car and car to door.
And I was not naked. Just saying.
Of course, this is Florida, and the rules are different here.
Posted by: Sherri | July 06, 2007 at 01:43 PM
You know after this story, and after Becs similar story (I think it was Becs), I think I should start an ambulance company that women can call so that they don't need to dress for the ER. And you could have bled all over the ambulance.
Posted by: TheQueen | July 07, 2007 at 08:55 PM
I would like to thank my neighbors for burning a 4" hole in my swing that I spent $200 on less than a year ago. I would like to thank them for leaving hundreds of fireworks in our yard, which we must clean up before we can mow, which they will probably complain to the county didn't happen soon enough after returning from a week long vacation. I would like to thank them for clogging our gutters and downspouts with their litter. I would like to further thank them for continuing to shoot off fireworks for days after it was legal to do so.
We intentionally go out of town every 4th of July to avoid all of this. Nothing like celebrating the independence of our country by bombing thy neighbors.
Posted by: Caroline | July 08, 2007 at 03:09 PM
After nearly a year and a half, St. Charles County is NOT growing on me.
I envision a FOR SALE sign in my window as soon as the housing market improves.
Posted by: Friend #3 | July 08, 2007 at 06:27 PM
Caroline - usually we have tons of debris, but not this year. I think our neighbors must be good about sneaking in to the yard early in the morning and cleaning up. Of course, we aren't trashy neighbors who leave a six-inch strip of lawn unmowed like some I know.
Friend #3 - Aw, come on. You must have enjoyed the view from your balcony.
Posted by: TheQueen | July 08, 2007 at 09:20 PM
(Present company excepted, of course.)
Posted by: Friend #3 | July 10, 2007 at 08:02 PM
See the 7/10 post, y'all.
Posted by: TheQueen | July 10, 2007 at 10:19 PM