Ellen says: several hours ago, I attended a viewing of the CNN Democratic Debate at Marcia's house. Some of you may remember Marcia as my Friend of The Jewish Persuasion. I asked her to contribute as a guest blogger. Enjoy her typos.
Democratic Debate: $74/month for cable
Vanilla Vodka: ??
Frangelica: ??
Sugar and Lemons: $5.32
Blodd Alchol content: 0.14
Arguing with debate drinking partner about blood acholllc content: Pricelss
We decided to drink for every mention of of Gorge Bush, but we were drinking constantly. Then we decided to put the title of President George Bush, but that was too easy. THen we decided to drink evey time they said, "I agree..." or implied agreement with fellow debated. Gravel would not qulify for that.
For the record, Henry Ford is not running for president. And in fact, is dead.
Ellen tells me, Guest Poster, I'm going to regret this. But I don't live my life with regrets. At least, I don't drunk.
The Democrats are still talking. We agree with most of them. Joe Biden is really pissed about Darfur, and so am I.
Dennis Kucinish has a snwoball's chance in hell. He doesn't want to bomb Osama.
Ellen spots Glen CLose in the audience. And it is not Glenn Close.
BTW, my Blood alcohol content is.... 0.18
I'm blogging because Ellne refused to blog drunk. In fact, she's just pinged "HOT" on the breathabylzer. That's never been done before, and sadly, she can't do a full breath without laughting.
What a sot. I think an intervertion is called for, GARY.
Just for the record, I told her to eat something, but she said she's lost 5 pounds on this gulag diet of hers and I'm full of shit.
Wokayl.
Then she has the gall to spill amaretto on my table and snort as she laughs her way to the bathroom.
Pardon me, I have to drink now. They said Presidnet Bush.
Ellen is incapable of peeing when she's drunk. Too bad.
Dennis Kucinsih as beig fuckin ears.
BAC: 0.19 for Ellen
BAC: 0.25 for Guest poster/drinker
Oh, it's over...
Apparently, Ellne wants to be done by Anderson Cooper. But I think he's doing Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guiy. But I could be wrong.
We're very sorry we din't invite Libby (Hot Mom) or Caroline (Fun Mom) or Stacey (Mormon Mom). Although Diet Coke is as wild as Stacey gets.
See Ellne Drink
Drink, Elln, drink.
Oh, now it water and apirin time. Well, every debate party need s a pooper.
When's the next debate?
Ellen hates the Chinese at China King cuz they won't deliver. And is now htreatening my sofa with her urine.
Pizza (muther fuckers) Hut should deliver garlic bread that is not shaped like penises. Believe it or not (I wouldn't), Ellen is stone cold sober. Yeah, okayl. She wants decent garlec berad from piiza uht.
God, look out for Elizabeth Edwards.
Ellen wants Jesus to know that she loves him, and is very pleased that he loves her.
We're going to look for chines foo dnow.
When commentling, please be sure to use improper adverbs like "writerly".
Ellen gave herself a pedicure and is stone ocold sober. In her dreams. *snort*
UPDATE (Quoting the Queen, still drunk on Marcia Weinstein's sofa):
"Gary has called and his car has broken down, and I'm so happy I have a breathalyzer. Too bad for Gary that I'm still at 0.11. I have 3 more points to go to drive legally in Missouri. I suppose I should also mention, it is raining and the dog has diarrhea, and Gary can't eat because he has a physical in less than 12 hours and he has to wait for me to sober up, then I have to show up with the mini-cooper to unload his parents' printer. And to top the evening off, the barrista told him Starbuck's no longer will be serving raspberry mochas, much less 2% raspberry mochas, light foam, no whip. So he is crushed, and somewhat fucked. Sure picked a bad week to give up drinking raspberry mochas."
UPDATE #2:
"Zis is the second documented time, and possibly the 3rd time overall, I've been legally drunk. And Gary picks this time to be in an undrivable car, with a diarrhetic dog and no food, in the rain.
I am SOOOOO sorry, Gary.
I will go home tonight and be issued a new set of rules. I've consumed 900 calories today. Marcia Liebowitz is a bad influence."
lol
Posted by: Sarah | June 03, 2007 at 09:18 PM
Please explain 'lol'. Gary is out in the rain with a diarrhetic dog and a broken down car, while Ellen waits to sober up because we can't fit his parents' printer in an SUV, but we CAN in a mini-cooper.
Posted by: Marcia 'Cohen', Guest Blogger | June 03, 2007 at 09:25 PM
What an interesting evening. After my waterlogged weekend (shout out to ServPro for their fast response to our panicked calls!), I'm not sure I could've handled Democratically induced drunkenness the night before work.
I suppose the S_____ family couldn't help Gary out since that would've involved crossing bridges.
Posted by: Caroline | June 04, 2007 at 06:05 AM
I love that you needed a breathalyzer to know you were drunk.
But I wonder - where does one purchase a breathalyzer?
Posted by: TasterSpoon | June 04, 2007 at 12:13 PM
Sigh.
I leave town and you two go all drunk and political on me. What are you going to do next, start playing quarters?
Posted by: Hot Mom | June 04, 2007 at 10:55 PM
Sarah - please forgive Marcia Cohen/Leibowitz/Goldstein. She was drunk.
Caroline - No! S__________s cannot drive in the dark and the RAIN my GOD the RAIN.
Taster - Amazon! http://www.amazon.com/AlcoHawk-Pro-Professional-Digital-Detector/dp/B000FJCX6U/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-4721300-3250805?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1180994547&sr=8-1
We all use the breathalyzer to confirm we have sobered up enough to drive. It's amazing the times people have said "Nah, I'm fine, I haven't had a drink for two hours." Then they blow in this and discover their brain may feel sober but the rest needs a little time to catch up.
Hot Mom - I know. It was a spontaneous type of thing. There's another debate tomorrow! I think this may be a tele-happy hour.
Posted by: TheQueen | June 04, 2007 at 11:59 PM
Hot Mom, we had SOOOOOOOOOOO much fun! There is nothing as hilarious as hearing Ellen laugh maniacally by herself in the bathroom.
Posted by: Marcia "Perlmutter", Guest Blogger | June 05, 2007 at 05:48 PM
No...what I liked was me on the phone with Gary every time he'd call:
Me (soberly): "Oh, I am Sooooooo sorry, honey, I'm almost there. Give me another half hour or so." (hangs up) "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"
Posted by: TheQueen | June 05, 2007 at 09:12 PM
That is the best. Hysterical.
Posted by: reen | June 07, 2007 at 01:53 PM
reeeeeeeeeeeen! Hi!
Posted by: TheQueen | June 07, 2007 at 09:08 PM