An exchange this morning:
Gary: "Here you go, Mac. Here's your breakfast."
Gary in 'Mac' Falsetto: "Thanks Dad!"
Gary: "See, I made it just the way you like it."
Gary Falsetto: "That looks great Dad!"
Gary: "See? Mom just stacks it up, but I made it into a cone shape. I know you like that the best."
Gary Falsetto: "I do, Dad, that's the best! Mom doesn't do that."
Gary: "No, she doesn't."
Mac, the actual dog, because I can read his thoughts: "You are retarded. Or, perhaps you are a paranoid schizophrenic. It's a tough call."
Gary: "Oooo, look at you eat! You are such a good dog! Good boy!"
Gary Falsetto: "Yes, I'm a good boy! I love the Cone of Food."
Mac: "Yeah, you know what I like? Honey-Baked Ham Tea Party Leftovers. Break out some of that."
Gary: "You like the way I make your food, on the big plate, in a cone shape!"
Gary Falsetto: "I love you, Dad!"
Mac: "Yeah, whatever. Why isn't that fat pasty woman making my breakfast anymore? And, hey, stop talking that way. I don't sound like that. I don't sound like a girl."
Gary: "Yes, that was yummy, wasn't it?"
Gary Falsetto: "Yum, Dad!"
Sooo... training IS going well...?
(Ironically enough, when Hubs speaks to any of the critters it is in a falsetto. Why? I have no clue, but it is called his "pet voice". The critters? They speak normally...)
Posted by: sue | May 02, 2007 at 08:43 AM
My pet voice is normal, but really quiet.
And we had a dog named Mac when I was growing up! I guess because we found him on a golf course.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | May 02, 2007 at 12:24 PM
Doggie wanna goo for ride, does the pretty wittle puppy-wuppy wanna go?
You act as if there were someting wrong with Gary. Obviously he is the only one in the household who is actually fluent in dog. Humfp!
Posted by: Zayrina | May 02, 2007 at 12:42 PM
Our cats kind of sound like Cartman. I don't know why, I blame the roommate for starting that one.
Posted by: Carrie | May 02, 2007 at 01:31 PM
Sue - on the plus side, Gary IS now making the dog breakfast. Unfortunately, he doesn't let the dog out after, and the dog figures if I'm not hanging half-dressed out the back door yelling "Poop! Poop already!" that we just don;t care.
TasterSpoon - Gary's pet voice is used so I know what he's thinking, through the pet, so it can't be quiet. "What's that, Mac?" "Why does Mom have to vaccuum when we're watching tv?" "I don't know, Mac."
Zayrina - I admit, I am not fluent in dog. I did have quite the Helen Keller moment once when the dog scratched on the toilet and I realized he was thirsty.
Carrie - What, like "Goddamnit Carrie, gimme my food! Mooomm! Mooooooooooooommmm!"
Posted by: TheQueen | May 02, 2007 at 11:29 PM
The Husband and I will occasionally voice what we imagine our pets are thinking. We use perfectly normal tones of voice, although, because we have cats, the tones are always somewhat arch, and very snarky. Sometimes it sounds like the Algonquin Round Table.
My cats are VERY literate. They ALWAYS sit on the book I'm reading.
Posted by: Sherri | May 03, 2007 at 12:20 AM