This is pitiful, but sometimes when I hear Gary pretending to be the dog and calling us 'Mom' and 'Dad,' I have this fantasy:
I go to the mall with Gary and we accidentally bump into one of his old girlfriends. This puts him on the spot and he breaks down and confesses that he's been married to her for years, and they have five kids. (Uh-huh, yeahhhh, that's where he's been all those weekends he's been working!) The kids arrive and gather around him. They all look like him.
Yet still, he decides to live with me. I give him extra time on the weekends to play with his kids. Why? Because it is my fantasy and some extra time on the weekends to myself is not such a bad idea. It all works out very nicely. I get him, plus he gets the little babies, PLUS he doesn't ever have to discipline them because he only sees them on the weekends. Kind of like an emotional three-way.
(We did once go to the mall AND we bumped into his old girlfriend AND she had a child. The kid didn't look like him though. Maybe she's having babies with more than one married man.)