Okay, so here's the thing: five HUNDRED people have come by for a visit from Erin (Out of Character)'s blog. Everybody, turn and wave! Hi!
I learned my lesson the last time this happened. One day, loads of people visited from the message board for the BNL cruise I went on in January. I chose that day to post a completely inappropriate story about waxing my nether regions. They ran back to the message board, where I pursued them with stories of ovulation and a labial cyst the size of a lemon. They haven't been back.
Because today's post was initially about what happens when the Queen Mother listens carefully to the lyrics of "Rockin' the Suburbs," I'm pushing that inappropriate profanity-laced post to another day. Instead, because I'm feeling the love and pain and sympathy in your comments, let me tell you the most annoying thing Gary's done recently.
He relates a news event or a memory, and I chime in with "Oh, yes, I remember that," or "Oh, yes, I read that article too, and -" and he bellows "Let Me FINISH!" For example:
Gary says, "Oh, my god. That politician is just ridiculous. Did you hear what he said? It's like that one thing I read once, when someone suggested poor women should eat their babies!"
"Yes," I say, foolishly, "A Modest Propo--"
"No! Let me FINISH! It was this essay on slumlords in Ireland or England or something, and this guy--"
(Heavy sigh) "Nooooo, some other guy, and he said to solve the food shortage the starving women should eat their babies--"
"I KNOW. Jonathan SWIFT. A Modest PROPOSAL. It's FAMOUS. I READ it. You. Don't. Have. To. Explain. It."
"Stop interrupting me!" Then, I swear to you, he relates to me every line of A Modest Proposal. As if I hadn't read it in tenth grade. And don't feel dissed if you haven't read it, the point is that when someone says "Oh, I read that," you say, "Well, then you know what I'm saying," and move on.
Not feeling my pain? Yet another example:
Gary says, "Have you heard the latest about the pet food recall?"
I cuddle up against him, all oh-you-are-so-smart-you-listen-to-the-news, "No, what happened now?"
"Well now they're thinking it might be related to some underhanded business dealings by the manufacturer. They think that maybe they were trying to increase -"
"The nutrition! Oh, yeah yeah, I heard that. They added some filler to increase the nutrition levels."
Patient, long-suffering sigh. "No. NO. Let me FINISH. That's not what I was going to say at all."
"Oh. I'm sorry. Okay. What did they do?"
"They added some filler to increase the protein levels --"
"That is what I just said!"
"Would you let me finish?"
"But you don't need to finish. I heard the same report!"
"Fine! so how did it end, then?"
"I think the government's supposed to have hearings about it."
"No. No. See, that's just proof that you don't listen. It's going to be investigated by the Senate."
I should have seen it coming. I remember the very first time my family met his family. We all sat in a circle. Everyone in my family really tried to listen, but everyone in his family was just talking in the general direction of the center of the circle. Not with the intent to communicate, really, just so they could empty those pesky thoughts out of their brains.