A perfect storm of in-law crisis is brewing at the S_____ house this weekend. They have planned all of these activities for Saturday:
1. Niece birthday
2. Nephew birthday
3. Father-in-law birthday (because hey, we don't have to spend money on Christmas for the kids, so we are loaded when January comes around)
4. Valentine's Day, or as I like to call it, Incest Day.
- Let me interrupt this to report I just realized I completely spaced on my brother's birthday, because as you can see the actual date of someone's birth is immaterial in the S_____ culture.
So aside from the expense of four dueling holidays and everyone but Gary and I clamoring to be the center of attention for the day, there is a more ominous undercurrent rumbling on the horizon.
Nephew may be moving in with his girlfriend. I only know this because Karen (Gary's sister) sent an email cataloging what we cannot talk about on Saturday. "Don't mention the naked photo that really upsets Dad. Don't talk about religion and politics that really upsets Mom and Sandy. Don't say anything about you-know-who moving in with his girlfriend."
My first thought? "Ken thought that whole naked thing was a riot when we first mentioned it. Wilma must have gotten on his case. Hm. Wilma thought it was funny too. Wonder what happened to change - whaaa? Arhan-fay is moving in with his girlfriend?"
And of course it all became clear. Wilma and Ken know it's futile to try to impart moral guidance to their grandchildren, so as soon as they heard about their grandson living in sin they've doubled up on the one person they think they can guilt: their 52-year-old son, Gary.
Actually, this post has been therapeutic. Not a bit of this crisis or celebration centers on me. I can just sit back and enjoy the show.
Hmmm, maybe you could help the nephew out by loudly announcing (not looking at anyone in particular) how opposed you are to living in sin (be sure to use the word "fornicate" liberally) so that before you know it, the in-laws find themselves defending the idea as prudent, at which point the nephew can come out of the closet.
This is an issue close to my heart - I'm in the process of moving in with my b/f and the parents are NONE too pleased.
BTW, I love that you make the SOTU interactive (Valentine's post)...now that I'm moving in with...uh...a TiVo, I'm going to start looking into creative applications for it. For now I'll have to make do with mere drinking games.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | January 26, 2007 at 12:37 PM
As my friend's father said when she moved in with her boyfriend, "Only you can be responsible for your soul."
Parents these days.
Posted by: Caroline | January 26, 2007 at 04:45 PM
When I moved in with my college boyfriend all my mom said was, "You know I don't approve," in this deathly still quiet voice. I still have nightmares about that voice.
Posted by: Carrie | January 26, 2007 at 04:46 PM