Arhan-fay turned 21, and Arzaana-fay turned 16, so they came in town from KC and were feted.
Arzaana-fay had asked for a "MP3 player, nothing expensive, nothing fancy." So when Gary started talking about getting her an iPod Nano I quoted the "nothing expensive or fancy" back at him and showed him the documentation. He tried to convince me a Nano was not fancy. "Okay then," I challenged, "buy me one too since they are evidently the cheapest and most basic of all MP3 players." He came back with twin iPods for Arzaana-fay and me. Sometime sarcasm pays off.
This is why I was surprised when Arzaana-fay squealed upon opening the Nano, "Oooo! I was hoping you'd get me an iPod!" I sat up and exclaimed, "Then why on earth did you ask for 'nothing cheap, nothing fancy'?" She rolled her eyes and said "Well, I didn't want to say 'Buy me an iPod.' That would be greedy." Clearly the Pakistani side of her coming out. I was quite impressed.
Karen initially tried to be the Birthday Nazi. She harped at Arhan-fay so persistently for wearing his hat at the table that Gary got up and put his own hat on. (View this photo )
I helped keep Karen in check with some carefully selected profanity. She started directing me where to sit, I gave her a pre-sarcastic look, and she said to the crowd, "Oh, okay, she doesn't want me to tell her what to do. Though I should because she's family."
I growled, "Damn straight. Watch it, bitch, or I'll kick your ass." She laughed nervously, because no one swears in front of Karen because Karen never swears.
Besides the Nano, the other notable thing Arzaana-fay got was a "Lie Detector" game that randomly shocks the players. Mr. Wonderful tried it first and screamed like a little girl when he was shocked. Sandy immediately said "It hurts that much? Let me try. " It so shocked Sandy she screamed and hurled herself back on the couch. (You Gotta View this photo.) Arhan-fay, Gary, and Karen all grasped at the air and cried "Me! Let me try next!" Arhan-fay screamed. Gary screamed. Karen screamed "Shit!"
Then she clasped her hand over her mouth. Then pigs flew out of her ass. (I made that up.) Now Arhan-fay and Arzaana-fay are adults. The adult / child boundaries are crossed now. It was a notable day. Notable, not just because of the cursing, but also because we convinced Karen Arhan-fay can take aspirin now and not get Rhy's sybdrome.
Arzaana-fay stayed the night with us and installed and updated her iPod, then I did mine. I'd had it a few days but hadn't used it, because really, it's the same songs just on a different media. Then I plugged the iPod into my ears and immediately became a walking iPod commercial, where the silhouettes are dancing and twirling about. I generally don't know what to do while dancing. The closest I ever came to spontaneous dancing was the Cradle of Filth concert when the giant monolith speaker was pushing me off my feet. Now I have the Nano and my arms even knew what to do. Arzaana-fay was dancing just as wildly to Nirvana. Then she started snarling to Alanis. "An older version of me/ Is she perverted like me?" I screamed at Arzaana-fay: "Katmandu! Goodnight everybody! -- Katmandu is the greatest rock song ever! Say it! Say 'Katmandu is the greatest rock song ever!"
"What?" she screamed, "I can't hear you!"
"WHAT?" I screamed.
Gary reported the next two hours were just a cacophony of Arzaana-fay and I bounding around singing competing songs in varying keys, all off. A snippet: "I feel stupid and contagious"..."when you try to scream but all that comes out is a yawn"..."Of getting older all the time"..."and party every day."
The oddest moment was when "Crazy" by BNL started up and I could hear someone quoting what sounded like lines to a play in my head. I've heard this song before many times, and no one recites anything in the middle, not that I've heard. But evidently it's there, and credited on the liner as "Crazy Sounds." I started worrying about subliminal messages. (Arhan-fay suggested the messages, if you could hear them, would be "Dump Windows. Buy Mac.") I could not hear Arzaana-fay, Gary, or barking dogs, but I could hear a guy burp in Cheap Trick's live audience.
And I just want all of you to know it's been nice communicating with you. From now on, I am not talking to anyone. I will send messages to the outside world through this blog, but don't bother talking to me because I can't hear you. I have music between my ears.