ER

The Queen Mother has been having episodes of ill health that last for a few moments and then pass. She has been trying in vain to pique a doctor's curiosity, but doctors are bored by this. One would think they'd be excited at least by the prospect of their own eponymous disorder.

So, Mom's spells took a new turn Thursday and we tried following the doctor's orders: "Go to the ER."

Mom wore her PAJAMAS because she isn't married to a prude.

We sat for a good four hours and observed two dramas:

Elderly and infirm Mr. G_________ and his son had been waiting three hours (this is the point at which ER newbies snap, as evidenced by the ER Hookers). Mr. G_____ the Younger got on his cell phone and began hustling up alternatives. He tried pressuring his GP into seeing his father. He threatened to withdraw his patronage from the GP. Then he began calling other ERs to see what their wait time was. He argued with the admitting nurse. The G_____s stalked out. They stalked back in. They eventually stalked to their car and washed their hands of our pokey ER. Their name was called five minutes later. The entire ER waiting room chewed on that with satisfaction for an hour after.

The second drama was what had made the wait so long: they had to shut down the ER because an elderly black woman was admitted and she was enraged. She had no pulmonary issues; her lungs were great. She made it loud and clear she didn't want to be there, she didn't want to be touched, and I couldn't hear the rest because it was just an inarticulate roar of rage. You could distinctly hear her bellow, "I don't want AHHSERYUSSDENK! SHHAWWWANNA your MAHHHTTEFUUUUKKKKNG HANNNNNSSSUFFME BAAAAHAHHHHHH!" It was so loud you couldn't escape it, and you knew she was mad, but you just couldn't make out quite what was wrong.

Then she was coaxed out of admitting and into trauma, where she proceeded to charge the doors. Every once in a while the roaring became louder and everyone would turn to see if she was going to make it out this time. On her third attempt, the inarticulate vowels of rage became louder, you could see the door beginning to give, and then the ER waiting area heard:

"I DONNNA WANNNN DOOOONNNYOU GAHHHH I JUST HATE WHITE PEOPLE!"

Clear as a bell. We all laughed.  I felt a little self-conscious, since after the exodus of the G______s Mom and I were the only white people in the ER.

Of course, after all the drama the outcome was anti-climatic: they don't know what is wrong with Mom but they know it isn't serious. And yet another doctor suggested she use a walker. You know, to break her fall because she can't use her arms, idiots. I think I hate white people too.

Comments

[Friend #2]

I'm not all that sure about white people, but I did have a woman misdial my number today, call me "nigga" and threaten to come kick my ass. I politely informed her that, if she could find me, she was welcome to try.