I began work today in a foul, foul mood, and it did not lift. I think I would have been well advised to start the day by deafening myself with the iPod, because every human voice I heard annoyed me.
Today's annoying people fell into three categories: heavy sighers, spastic laughers, and baby talkers.
Okay, I admit to a heavy sigh now and then. But the sigh that defines someone as a heavy sigher is a sigh louder than normal speaking volume. A sigh that says, "Ask me why I am SIGHING, damn you!" Now, I myself have been know to grace my co-workers with a little heavy-handed drama. Not with a sigh, but usually with my patented full body eye-roll that comes centimeters away from tipping me over on my backside. But the sigh that says "I am annoyed AND to be pitied and I WANT someone to ASK ME WHY" makes me want to hurt that person until they can no longer breathe, much less sigh.
These people predicate everything they say with laughter. They say, "I picked up this coffee on the way in to work. Ha, ha. Gotta have my coffee ha ha ha ha ha. I don't like the coffee here at work. Ha ha ha ha." Shut UP! Laugh when you say something funny! "I. Got. Coffee." Not funny. ("They should just call me Coffee Anan." Moderately funny.) Still, the other people in the conversation are supposed to laugh. You speak, they laugh. I'm going to slap the next person I hear doing this, I swear to God.
I'm not complaining here about people talking about their babies, which I love; or people talking baby talk to actual visiting babies, which is perfectly acceptable; or even baby-talking just to annoy me because they know I hate it, Marcia. I'm mean full grown women well past the age when they would have babies announcing they need to go to the bathroom and "go poopy." Grown women! Grown! Qu'est-ce que freaking c'est, people?
If this continues tomorrow someone is getting hurt.