My Two Cent Sales Tax at Work

I think I might be only person alive who loves paying taxes. I think this partly because I've always wanted a personal shopper. The way I see it, I give the Gubment a percentage of my money and they build a firehouse two blocks from my subdivision. I see this as my own personal firehouse. They saw I needed a firehouse right by me and they built me one.

(I say this even though I don't want to make the firehouse by Laumier Sculpture Park jealous - you will always be the only firehouse into which I have relieved myself. (I was headed for the woods and hello, firehouse! Knock Knock. May I use your bathroom? Why sure. Just go RIGHT THROUGH THE BUNK ROOM. Little single beds. So cute. So hot.))

I've given the Government money; they've built me not only firehouses but roads and bridges that get me to work 10 minutes earlier. They give cheese to pregnant women and do caring things I would never do, and they do evil nefarious things that make entertaining Michael Moore documentaries. They really only waste a small percentage, overall, on welfare fraud and the President's salary.

I try not to think about how a percentage of my taxes fund the war. When I think about the war I try to pay special attention to my nearby firehouse  (two blocks away), police station (4.4 miles), and library (even though it's dead to me).  I remember the Gov paid for freaky science sex experiments on Dwarf Chinese Hamsters that proved their ovaries were good places to grow my MS medicine. I go to the Arch and admire the steps they built to the levee, too late to keep me from rolling down the fifty-foot hill to the river when I was seven.

I've heard it proposed that Tax Day be moved from April 15 to September 11. Well, that's not true, I've never heard it proposed, but I'm sure someone else thought of it. Whoever you are, I think that's a great idea.

Comments

[melati]

You're a sicky.

A real bad one.

Love paying taxes. I never.

[Erin G.]

Eh. But I'm one of those "fresh start in the new year" people, though! I get all my receipts together in January and by the time I get everything organized...it's time to pay in mid April. I don't do well with procrastinating. If I have to wait till September to pay my taxes from the year before, I'll be a big ol'lazy ass. And that would be sad, indeed, for all the hot firemen live a mere 1.3 miles from me!!

[Caroline]

I do love my highway. And my daughter loves fire trucks. I'd say (most of) our tax dollars are well spent.