When the Queen Mother took Dad as her consort, I was six. We moved into his bachelor pad. When he asked I wanted to be when I grew up, I said "I want to be a Playboy Bunny," because he obviously revered these women. They were all over the glassware. (Dad promptly learned to hide the porn. Even after he died we kept finding these pockets of porn squirreled away in the AC vents, the crawl space, etc.)
Even growing up in a porn-friendly house, I don't get the male fixation on breasts. Why do they feel they have to stare at the one body part that doesn't move independently? Do men think my breasts will clap, wave, or leap out of my bra like dolphins? This isn't a whale watch. They aren't going anywhere.
Of course, I guess if you stared at my bosom long enough you could see it grow. It has been growing in a very hateful way the last few years. (The changing body issues I am having only bolster my contention that middle age is just like junior high.) I keep having to buy tops with higher and higher necklines because my cleavage is creeping toward my neck like a kudzu vine out to strangle me. And my mother-in-law pins my v-neck sweaters when I come to visit. I am not kidding. I am turning into Margaret Dumont.
This is why I am a fan of all these men in Finland, Russia, France and Italy who are out there Image Googling "Toes" and finding these babies. At least Toe Men are up for a challenge. At least toes move. That is why I am strongly considering becoming, if not a Playboy Bunny, an International Toe Porn Star. There's no work on my part. Plus, my toes aren't aging. Have at it, gentlemen.
I'm considering the requisite pictorial spread. I see a toe bondage shot. A lesbian toe shot. Maybe the hard-core between the toes crotch shot, I don't know. Here's my first attempt: the standard "Oops! You caught me here all naked and unprepared! (giggle)" pose.
Sure, I COULD have painted my toenails, but that would detract from the cinema verite vibe I was going for.
You are going to get so many toe lickers now...
And excuse me, but MY breasts ARE a whale watch.
Posted by: melati | September 21, 2006 at 10:01 AM
Nice girls don't spread their toes apart like that. Sniff.
Posted by: Queen Mother | September 21, 2006 at 01:42 PM
Supreme Mother is right.
Toe floozy.
Posted by: melati | September 23, 2006 at 02:21 PM
If I charged, I could be a toe 'ho.
Posted by: TheQueen | September 23, 2006 at 02:45 PM
please get in contact with me i love your feet and could set u up with a proper foot shoot and start to sell pic of ur toes guys love mature fete especially me send me some more dome pics and well see where it goes from there!!!
Posted by: Josh Albon | May 10, 2007 at 01:13 PM
Mature fete? Somewhere else in St. Louis is a woman who has "feet like a little baby's" -- according to her pedicurist.
I wonder on what part of the age spectrum my feet fall.
And what is a dome pic?
Posted by: christy | May 10, 2007 at 03:26 PM
Josh! You are a brave one. Funny, I was just admiring those women in Memphis at the Festival who took their tops off. It was so little effort and it made other people so happy. But, I ran it past Gary and given that he suggested I just cut off a toe and send it to you instead, I don't think he's down with the idea. Thanks for thinking of me, but it looks like I'll stay an independent.
Christy - Well, I checked urban-dictionary and all I can guess is it's my feet and the top of someone else's head.
But doesn't it make you feel good about the world that there is a place for people who like mature feet? We all have feet, and we all get mature. There is hope for everyone.
Posted by: TheQueen | May 10, 2007 at 11:50 PM
Christy - did I figure this out before and just forgot? "Dome pics" is "Come pics" with a typo! I suppose I might spread my toes during climax. I don't know.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 28, 2009 at 11:32 PM