Let me tell you about my Aunt Rosemary. She's a fun girl. She had a mastectomy and loves asking people if they can tell which is the fake boob. She recently had lipstick and eyeliner permanently tattooed on. Mom got her these for her birthday. She kisses and tells. She kisses and evaluates and then tells.
"Oh," you say pleasantly, "your Aunt is a slut."
No, she is ninety. Ninety years old. Go back and read the above again. I can wait.
Technically, she is my Great-Aunt Rosemary. She doesn't look ninety. She looks ... sixty? Yes, I think whenever people ask her age she looks to see if they have a penis then she flirtatiously asks, "How old do you think I am?" They always say sixty-something, and she always reports this back to my mom (her actual niece). She currently has two boyfriends, (one a sloppy kisser, can't have that), and then some mystery young man (30-40) who sleeps over at her house and gives her hugs.
She has a hot tub. I don't have a hot tub. I also don't have boobs I would flash at my doctor. Of course, she had an excuse: she. just. had. a. (non-mastectomy related) boooooob. job. And of course, you want your doctor's opinion. If you are Aunt Rosemary, you whip your shirt up and say "Here's a surprise for you!"
Ninety. Four score and ten. SO if you ever worry about those celebrities who don't age gracefully, send them to the Harley biker community where my Great-aunt Rosemary lives and ... I don't know, she can screw them.
Ugh - this page just got hit as the FOURTH find when searching for "hot penis" on Blogsearchengine.com.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 09, 2006 at 11:14 PM
I hear Hot Penis is opening for Fingering Husband's Rectum at some place frequented by Chuck Berry.
Posted by: Catherine | April 09, 2006 at 11:48 PM
Oh, and your Aunt Rosemary sounds all kinds of awesome.
Posted by: Catherine | April 09, 2006 at 11:53 PM
Aww Catherine! You just started my day with a great big belly laugh. I hear Hot Penis is comprised of Grandma's Boobs drummer and the keyboard guy from Urination Dry Humping.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 10, 2006 at 08:19 AM
Glad I can provide some chuckles from the west coast! And MAN, Chuck Berry SO wants to be in this group.
Posted by: CatherineG | April 10, 2006 at 01:32 PM
Now that I think of it...wouldn't Fingering Husband's Rectum be opening for Hot Penis?
Posted by: TheQueen | April 10, 2006 at 07:07 PM
Hee - I believe you are right! Every group needs a warm-up.
Posted by: CatherineG | April 11, 2006 at 02:27 AM
Yes, especially one as big as Hot Penis.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 11, 2006 at 05:59 AM
Whoops, I meant to say opening act - every group needs an opening act!
Posted by: CatherineG | April 11, 2006 at 01:47 PM
Fingering Husband's Rectum is opening for Hot Penis, but they had to use the rear entrance. God, I loved BBM.
Here's hoping this scores more hits on blogsearchengine.com.
Oh, and I agree with Catherine. Your Aunt Rosemary sounds very cool.
Posted by: Marcia | April 16, 2006 at 06:56 PM
And it only took me 2 hours before it struck me BBM was Brokeback Mountain. A movie that should be treated with respect, damnit, even by drunk women at happy hour.
Posted by: TheQueen | April 16, 2006 at 11:25 PM