Genureflections

Okay. Let me know if this is:

a. normal
b. freakin' weird
c. a Catholic thing

Karen has been in the hospital, of course, following her back surgery, and Gary reported all the relatives (and they are Catholic, and they are legion) came by to visit.  They did the normal things, promised casseroles, brought flowers, and then the normal/freakin' weird/Catholic thing:  they gave her money. Because she is sick. Because that's what they DOOOOOoooooo.

The first time I heard about this family healing ritual Gary's nephew Arhan-fay was sick, and ten, and in Kansas City.

"We have to get him a card," Gary said, "and I think ten dollars should do it."
"Do what?" I asked.
"Well he's sick" Gary said "Don't you send money to your family when they're sick?"
"Uh, no. That's just weird." Then I started thinking. "So, what did you mean by 'ten dollars should do it?'"
"Well, he just has a cold. It's not like he has the flu."
"What's the flu earn you?"
"I don't know. I got five dollars when I threw up at my first communion."
And who wouldn't throw up after not eating all morning and then chowing down on The Body of Christ? Poor lil' guy. He said everyone acted like he had the flu, and everyone sent him money. So with inflation, the flu would probably net you fifteen, plus an extra five for public barfing.

I never had First Communion, even though I started out Catholic. Well, come to think of it, I did have a first Communion, because Wilma pressured me. It embarrassed her to have me stay put during Mass ("Oh, look, Gary must have married a whore") or else she was concerned for my soul. Anyway, she pestered me so often for a year of holidays that I just tromped up there.

Gary gave me a quickie whispered communion class on the line up to the altar. "Just do what I do. And you can skip the wine."

"Got it," I whispered. Oooo! Rogue communion!
I skipped the wine. The priest intoned, "The Body of Christ." I held out my hands.
"Thank you!" I chirped.
In case you are ever taking communion, this is The Wrong Answer. ("Nooo, I'm sorry. The correct answer is: 'Amen.'")  Gary said later "Well, at least you didn't say 'Really?'"

So, do I add this Coughing for Dollars scam to my list of weird in-law things, weird Catholic things, or normal things my family never did? And if so, should I contact a lawyer? Because I never got my payoff for the M.S.

Comments

[Catherine]

I cannot tell you how hilariously awesome it is that you said "Thank you!" When I partake in Communion, which is maybe twice a year at that when I go to church with the family, I just say "Amen" and do a sort of mini-bow with just my head and my eyes closed, and I ALWAYS skip the wine because, sipping from the same glass that I-don't-know-how-many people have sipped out of? EW.

As for the money thing, I was raised Catholic (although I did not spew after my First Communion like Gary did, and I for the life of me cannot remember my Confirmation name, so I'm a bad lapsed Catholic at that), and I've never heard of giving money to people when they are ill, like in cards and stuff, so I'm guessing it's an in-law thing.

[TheQueen]

And it's freakin' weird, right? If my family had done this I would have chugged salt water every day to puke and get out of school.

Oh. hi Mom.

[Catherine]

Yes, it is kind of weird. And yes, had my family practiced this custom, I would too have done everything in my power to milk it for all it was worth.

And, oh, hi, TheQueen's Mom. Just because.

[CatherineC]

I say b. freakin' wierd. The MS should earn you some sort of monthly installments...might even negotiate retro pay.

[TheQueen]

Love that idea, and I think there should be a bladder infection stipend too. By the way, frozen custard at the place by Yai-Yais? Made me cry. So good.

[Marcia]

Geez, no body and blood of anything for us -- just stomp on a glass, shout "Mazel Tov!", then paaaar-tay!

Of course, guilt comes later. :-D