I took a selfie with Gary at the ball park. I looked at it the next day as I was scanning through the photos.
"Ew," I thought. "Sunken eyes. Brow lines. Eyes are clear, that's good. No visible wattle. Crazy hair, but just too dark in general. Gary looks good. Still, not sharing that one."
Then I flipped to the previous photo, the one I did not know even existed, because I accidentally took it when I changed the phone's photo feature from normal to reversed/selfie mode.
I must have taken it when the the phone was in my lap, and I was looking down at it. Just for a moment, put your body in that position. Now, look upon the monstrousity ....
My self image includes everything from the top of my crazy head, past my nose, my snaggly smile, my chin, and then MY GOD WHEN DID MY WATTLE GET EATEN BY ANOTHER WATTLE? That's like a muti-chin pile-up there!
I have never in my life taken a photo this bad. I thought about that photo all day. I realized:
1. This is how babies see me when I sit them in my lap. No wonder they start crying.
2. I look like those movie parodies starring the thumbs.
3. I'll never get whiplash since I have a built-in airbag under my jaw.
I know my actual appearance is somewhere between the view of my scalp and the view of my wattle, so I decided to take a self-portrait in the one mirror I look in everyday.
I realize now that my bathroom has very generous lighting, and MY GOD my hands are huge!