So I did go see a counselor, and it was not what I expected. I think I expected someone to call me on my bullshit, and my bullshit was not called on, Instead, she was very supportive of my concerns. She listened, and was calm, and yet horrified at the appropriate times.
She had three suggestions. I've got two weeks to do these things. I don't want to do any of them, but of course I'm not taking care of myself well right now, that's why I'm seeing a counselor.
A. Go back on just a wee dose of the Celexa. I'm waiting until the next time I have a teary episode. Of course, I cried a few times in her office, but I did not sob. Gary, of course, has been campaigning for the Celexa for weeks. "So I won't cry when you treat me like crap," I say.
B. Call a friend and cry to them, instead of Gary, since Gary isn't objective and will make the situation more emotional.
C. Hang on to this plastic pebble she gave me when i start to get emotional. I'm afraid I couldn't contain my skepticism when she made this recommendation. I don't want to do this any more than I want to take the drugs again instead of dealing with things, or crying to a friend instead of dealing with things, but it's supposed to promote Mindfulness, which is supposed to be a documented stress-reducer. I can't turn my back on stress relief, given that stress makes the MS worse.
Still .. holding a rock and going to my happy place doesn't seem like an effective way to deal with my emotions. Thrashing things out in my head seems like a better plan. I guess if the issue is that I've lost my mom and I fear losing Gary, and loss isn't something you can fix, you just have to deal. Fight isn't working, so flight is the prescription. For the next two weeks, anyway.