Saturday I began gardening at seven am. I thought I'd only be a few hours, but at eleven Gary woke up, came out, saw my face, and abducted me.
This is how the abduction went down:
"Gary, help me finish this gardening."
"No, we have to go now to get your car. They called to say they're done with the air conditioning."
"We don't have to go right now. Help me with - "
"We have to go RIGHT. NOW." I wasn't even given time to pull the gardening tools out of the landscaping.
Then he sat me in front of the ac in his car until my vision unblurred.
My neurons were so restored by the air conditioning that I asked if we could tool about the August A. Busch Memorial Conservation Area, which is right next to the Nuclear Waste Cell we visited last weekend.
You might think the establishment of the Conservation Area came after the discovery of the radioactive waste, but no. The full sequence is:
- Three towns were eminent-domained out of existence for a WW2 TNT plant (there are TNT bunkers all over the area).
- After the war, August Busch's wife bought the land (including the TNT bunkers) for conservation.
- Then, Mallinkrodt built a nuclear plant next door.
- It became a superfund site.
- We moved nearby.
So, I can imagine the Busch family are none too pleased.
As soon as Gary heard about the TNT bunkers, he was all excited to go, and as soon as we discovered the roads in the conservation area are gravel, he became less excited, and all he wanted to do was get out of there.
Here is a snippet of conversation from our adventure:
"OH MY GOD THIS CAR IS SLIPPING ALL OVER THE ROAD I CANT SEE OUT OF THE BACK WINDOW IF I TURN ON THE WIPER IT'LL JUST ALL BECOME MUD OH LOOK THE DOOR TO THAT TNT BUNKER IS OPEN I BET THERE ARE BODIES IN THERE WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE."
Of course, we got lost. Interestingly, if you are lost between a conservation area and a nuclear waste dump, and you ask Siri to get you to the highway, Siri will say, "I don't know where you are, You Stupid Cow." (Or whatever you have Siri call you).
The dust on the car was so extreme we had to go through a car wash, which is something we never do (evidenced by the water buffalo sweat that is still ornamenting our Fit from the animal park last Labor Day).
Gary, of course, wanted only the high-end choices on the automated car wash, one of which was Color Wax. I assumed that meant Color-enhancing Wax, so I was astonished when the car wash spit out wax that smelled like bubblegum and looked like confetti birthday icing. I suppose it's a treat for the kids.
My big treat was coming home to discover that I'd gardened my way through the sprinkler system, and it was seeping. Still, a satisfying adventure.